How to make friends as a grown-man

But it seems forming and maintaining solid friendships later in life is especially tough for blokes. So how do you make friends as a grown-up?
That’s the subject of a mini-documentary from Vice, How to Make Friends As a Grown-Ass Man, in partnership with the Movember Foundation.
Vice host Micah Greenwood puts aside his insecurities and soldiers on through the awkwardness in an attempt to make some new mates.
“We found that a quarter of men between the ages of 35 and 55 have no one they can rely on outside their immediate family,” men’s mental health researcher Charlie Coulton tells Micah.
 “There are blokes who are quite good at maintaining a surface level, a veneer level of social connectedness, but aren’t very good at deepening those relationships to have honest and empathic conversations,” Mr Coulton said.
Micah, 31, is a Queenslander who moved down to Melbourne for work, and says he can identify with this situation.
“I didn’t know anyone when I moved down here. A lot of the friends I made have been through work or friends of friends,” he said.
Micah tries three activities — footy training, speed dating and a whisky masterclass — to try and meet new people.
He’s affectionately crowned the ‘Knob of the Week’ by the West Brunswick Magpies, gets some conversation tips during speed dating (Top tip: ask someone about their ideal Saturday, rather than what they do for a living) and makes a new friend over shots of whisky.
The Movember Foundation wants to spread the word about how important close friendships are to our mental health.
“We know that good friendships and strong social connections help men to stay mentally healthy and can also reduce their risk of suicide,” executive director of the Movember Foundation, Paul Villanti, told B&T magazine.
“Movember is all about having fun and doing good, and this video demonstrates how blokes can have a good time, and perhaps also make some greater connections,” he said..

Is this the cruellest prank ever?

American prankster Roman Atwood, 32, has racked up more than seven million views of his “blowing up my kid prank” YouTube video since uploading it to the site on Sunday.
The clip shows Atwood road testing a quad bike with Kane, one of his two sons. He then is seen talking to his partner Brittney Smith before deciding to purchase the bike.
Atwood is seen by viewers telling Kane to hide while Smith goes to the car to get a cheque.
He swiftly puts a look-a-like dummy — wearing the same clothes as Kane — on the bike.
As Smith returns, Atwood appears to lose control of the quad bike — which is operated by a remote — and it zooms off with the dummy on the seat, flies off a ledge, and bursts into flames.
Smith runs and screams for her son who she believes is in the fireball.
She soon clues on to the prank as she approaches the explosion site and sees the dummy.
“It’s not funny, that’s not funny,” Smith said as she kicks Atwood.
“Don’t touch me, I’m done. I’m done honey, I can’t do it.”
Atwood grins and seeks reassurance.
“You still love me right?”
Some viewers described the prank as “the funniest thing ever” while others said it was “sadistic”.
“This isn’t funny, that’s just sad,” one YouTube user wrote.
But it’s not the first time Atwood has been behind a controversial prank.
His other videos include “The Kidnapping Children Experiment”, “The Public Rape Experiment” and “The Killing My Own Kid Prank” where he throws a dummy disguised as his five-year-old boy off a second story balcony in front of the child’s mother. That video has been viewed more than 26 million times.
Some viewers questioned the authenticity of the videos and said Smith was acting.
Smith has previously commented on Atwood’s pranks and said she wasn’t “in on them”.
“Oh no, there’s no way I could have been in on that,” Smith told Inside Edition.
“I was trembling. I’m not an actor, I’m a stay-at-home mum. There is no way I was in on this.”
Smith said she wasn’t bitter.
“You can’t live with a prankster and not expect to get pranked,” she said.
Atwood’s other pranks include pretending to confess to Smith that he cheated on her and posting an image of her on Instagram where she appeared to have drowned
And, earlier this year, he joined forces with fellow prankster Yousef Saleh Erakat to carry out the ‘suicide prank’.
They detailed to taxi drivers how their lives had turned for the worse before requesting to stop on a bridge and scale a security fence, appearing to prepare to jump.
The drivers, clearly distraught, talked the men down before Erakat and Atwood confessed that the prank was being filmed and that they were never going to jump.
Some viewers were moved by watching perfect strangers intervene but the video was slammed by many for “experimenting” with such an emotional issue and for driving viewers back to a website selling merchandise.
The pair’s videos include links to romanatwood.com or “The official Smile More store” where merchandise including shirts, hats, pens and even toothbrushes are sold.
“This is not an ‘experiment’ of any sort, just like the rest of their ‘experiments’. These are carefully scripted videos intended to be heartbreaking because stuff like that easily gets viral and accumulates millions of views. More views equal more money. They are not trying to spread any messages or raise awareness, they are purposely playing with people’s emotions because that brings them money,” one viewer wrote.
Atwood reportedly has a net worth of more than US$3.5million from his online pranks.

Choose wisely when adding friends to Facebook

A real estate agent in Tasmania went to the Fair Work Commission alleging she had been bullied by her employer. The woman said she had complained to the agency principal that she was not getting a fair representation of her properties displayed in the front window of the agency and, later that day, she found that she been deleted as a Facebook friend by the colleague she was having “issues” with.
The tribunal found unfriending her on Facebook showed a “lack of emotional maturity” and was “indicative of unreasonable behaviour”.
Look, we have all seen the, at-times, tragic consequences of cyber bullying, especially in teens. There is obviously more to this story than the mere pressing on the unfriend button, but it makes you stop and think — if you do ‘friend’ someone on Facebook, do it because you want them in your life. Not because you feel some work or peer pressure obligation to include them.
In no way at all can, or should, we belittle what may be a bigger-picture workplace bullying situation going on here. But the fact a Facebook friend elimination has entered into the bullying equation has set a questionable precedent.
Seriously, our private Facebook pages are about the last bastion of social media privacy left.
At least you can choose who your friends are and, in ‘friends’ I mean those who you are more than happy to share your family and private information with and those life moments you don’t particularly want the rest of the world to see.
My personal Facebook page is my page — the only people on it are those who I have actually met, shared a drink or conversation with or actually spoken to in ‘real’ life. Remember that?
I made that choice a while ago when creating a ‘friends’ Facebook page and a ‘work’ page. There is a big difference between the two.
Public pages are usually business-oriented and depending on your work game, you use it to post relevant career things or you may occasionally give a few snippets away about your life without getting too mushy, personal or intimate.
People come in and out of our lives. Some of these perceived ‘friends’ do bad by you, simply because they misuse trust and use what they see on your Facebook page in a malicious, gossipy or nasty way.
That has happened to me, and it has probably happened to lots of us, so why the hell allow these people access to your personal Facebook page? Delete and unfriend away, I say.
There are also other ‘real’ friends who may not be huge participants in posting on Facebook but I like them so much I am more than happy for them to see what is happening in my kooky life.
Having someone as a Facebook friend is like unlocking your diary and giving them a slice of your life. And that is precious.
There are some things in life you do want to keep just for your few/few hundred/ few thousand or whatever number of Facebook friends you have.
So to be accused of bullying because you choose to strike one of them from your list seems astounding.
If we all just got out in the world a bit more and didn’t live our entire lives through cyber space, it just could help decrease the incidence of cyber bullying ... one click at a time.

My husband became my wife: Transgender stories on SBS program

Those five words changed Kerry Haywood’s life forever and hit her like a bolt out of the blue.
When her husband Peter told her he was transgender three years ago, she admits the news came as a total surprise.
The couple, who have been together for 20 years and married for 17, had a happy, loving relationship.
But underneath Kerry knew her husband was unhappy about something, she just had no idea what or why he had been drinking so heavily.
Unable to live with the truth any longer, Peter finally confessed to his loving partner that he wanted to become a woman — a desire he had suppressed since his teenage years.
The Melbourne couple were driving along a freeway on holiday at the time when Peter revealed he wanted to become Peta.
Kerry told news.com.au she didn’t know whether to throw “herself out of the car” and end her marriage right there or listen to what her partner had to say.
The Melbourne couple, who own and run their own business, feature on SBS Insight tonight which looks at Love Transformed and transgender relationships.
It also looks at what is it like to be the loved one of someone who comes out as transgender and whether relationships can survive such a monumental change.
Speaking to news.com.au ahead of the program going to air, Peta said she always felt different, but having gone to an all boys school didn’t want to stand out.
“My school was quite rough so I didn’t want to put my hand up and say hey I’m different,” Peta said.
But at the age of 19 the truth of those feelings were revealed when Peter, then a young father, got dressed up for a fancy dress party as a woman.
Seeing the woman in the reflection made him realise he was trapped in the wrong body.
“It all made sense,” Peta said.
But with a baby and soon to be married to his first wife, Peter buried his feelings.
They all came back when Peta hit 50 in what she calls her change of life. She started to thin on top, grew her nails and shave all over.
Depression began to set in and Kerry had no idea how to help.
“Peter became very angry and was drinking a lot,” Kerry said.
“But I was naive and had no idea what was wrong — Peter went to great lengths to hide it.”
What followed was a lot of soul searching and some counselling before Peta was finally diagnosed with gender dysphoria and began transitioning.
“By the time I told Kerry I had hit rock bottom,” Peta said.
For Kerry the decision was clear: She could either stay with the person she loved or end her marriage.
She chose the former realising it was the person, not the sex of the person that mattered most.
“My previous marriage had been very tough,” Kerry said “Peter had everything I wanted in a man. I had to realise Peta was still the same person just in a female form.”
Kerry admitted she never considered marriage with a woman but knew if she wanted things to work she had to learn to live with Peter as Peta, an idea which she found hard as a heterosexual woman.
“I decided to work on my marriage, a lot of people would have given up but I needed to give it a shot,” she said.
“Love is love at the end of the day.”
What followed was one of the toughest years of their lives where they “laughed as much as they cried”.
For Kerry there was a new range of emotions to deal with from grieving to anger and finally acceptance.
The couple, who have four adult children between them, said they took the news surprisingly well and Peta said she now had a much better relationship with her daughter than ever.
They said 99 per cent of people accepted their relationship but there were times it was easier to admit they were sisters rather than explaining they were in fact married.
While Peta’s trans journey has been far from easy, the couple said sticking it out has been worth it
They hope their appearance on Insight will show others that such a change doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship but rather a new beginning.
Kerry recently proposed to Peta and the couple now plan to renew their marriage vows.
“It’s now Peta’s turn to be a bride,” she said.
The show also features other families who have had a loved one come out as transgender.
For Josh Hewitt, the news his father Kevin was becoming Karen was devastating.
When his father revealed his news, Josh tells Insight at 17 the timing coincided with everything he questioned about manhood.
He also said he felt he lost a father figure at a pivotal time in his life.
However Karen reveals she had no choice.
“My timing wasn’t exactly perfect,” she said.
“But when you hit rock bottom the choice was either my family with Karen or they’ve got no Karen.”
Sharon Swiatlo lost a daughter but gained a son when her child Nevo started taking male hormones at the age of 18.
For her the news her only child wanted to change sex was a huge blow but she has become enormously supportive of Nevo’s transition.
“I only had one child and I only wanted a girl,” she tells Insight. “I was adamant I wanted a girl. Well, I got both.”

Patrick Abboud on coming out to his parents and the Arab community

IF ANYONE knows the pain and agony of what it means to come out, it’s Patrick Abboud.

Then he had to face a sometimes hostile reaction from some members of the Arab community.
But two years on from his first hosting of the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, Abboud has advice to others in that situation: It does get better and easier.
Abboud, who is this year co-hosting the 2016 Mardi Gras, said not only have his parents made him proud with their “amazing attitude” but his mum even told her friends about him hosting the parade.
He said while coming out was hard due to cultural barriers, his parents were proof that anything was possible.
While his parents are now more accepting and supportive, he still has one big barrier to break down — the wider Arab community.
Abboud, who is of Lebanese/Palestinian descent, said sexuality remained a taboo subject in his culture.
He said it was so frowned upon that he knew, and had reported on cases, where gay and lesbian people entered marriages of convenience just to keep ties with their families.
“This is still happening today in Australia and abroad. Some people feel it’s their only option and I want to try and change that,” he said.
for some LGBTI people from ethnic backgrounds.
So when he was approached to first host the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras two years ago, he knew he had to do it.
“It was like a second coming out,” he told news.com.au of first hosting the broadcast in 2014.
“It was a pretty big deal because my family knew but there was a ‘no one else could know’ type view. It was always going to be very difficult for us as a family because of the stigma in the wider Arabic speaking community.
“My parents were very torn and still are to some degree but they’ve come a long way.
“They know I’m passionate about making change for others so there is more of a sense that it is possible.
“Mum and dad are so brave. They are incredible. I love them so much and I’m so proud of them. You can be Arab, you can be gay or lesbian or trans and you don’t have to give up your family or choose between the two.
“They know what I went through and, like me, they don’t want it to be so hard for others so they are incredibly supportive now”.
The cultural barrier was the main reason he decided to keep his sexuality a secret for so long and why he was cloaked head-to-toe as a Sheikh when he first marched in the parade 12 years ago.
His reservation was understandable in a culture where being gay, lesbian or transgender is just not on.
But it’s something he’s hoping he can change which is why he is again co-hosting the SBS Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras broadcast on Sunday night — because he wants those from ethnic communities to know it’s OK to be gay.
He also believes his parents, who now talk openly about him hosting the broadcast, can help educate other parents and elders in the community.
“Being gay is still illegal in many parts of the Middle East and is even punishable by death in some extreme cases,” he said.
“Many older Arab Australians will still hold onto traditional ideas and values even though they’ve lived here a long time.”
“The fact my mum can now talk about this with her friends has given me even more ability to change things in our wider Arab community. I can speak more freely.”
Abboud said he spoke to other Arabs including one young woman Tanya and her parents from the NSW North Coast who came out to her Lebanese parents.
“They’re telling their family story for the first time which is difficult for them. They are so bravely putting themselves on the line because there is inevitably people in the community that will frown upon it,” he said.
Fortunately Tanya’s parents not only accepted it but have become an advocate for her and other gay and lesbian people in the Arab community.
“They are incredible people and an absolute inspiration. I’m so blessed to have met them. We need more parents like mine and Tanya’s to speak out.”
The SBS presenter said the Arab community’s reaction to his own coming out has been mixed — some have accepted it, some have been hostile while others have just wanted to talk about it and start a dialogue.
But Abboud said it was through talking and storytelling that change happened.
“It’s the parents, within families where things need to change the most,” he said.
“It’s also about visibility, when I was 15-16 struggling with my sexuality as a gay Arab there was nothing, it was rare to see LGBTI issues in the mainstream let alone someone of Arab descent being openly gay.
“It needs to change in the Arab community and the way to make that possible is through visibility, education and perseverance.”
Abboud has been busy in the lead up to the Mardi Gras filming a series of stories from the LGBTI community that will feature in the SBS broadcast.
“I got to work with an incredible team of storytellers this year and together we’ve created some very special stories that will really tug at the heart and shine a light on our unsung community heroes,” he said.
In the meantime he is also acting as a mentor to other gay and lesbian Arabic speaking young people as part of a project for ACON (Aids Council of NSW).
“I just want them to know its OK to love someone of the same sex,” he said.
“At the end of the day it all goes back to the homeland and educating the parents as well, because if they tell their story to one family, then so will another.
“It’s a very slow process, but it will change in time.”

Jealous? Try this thought experiment

I WANT you to think of any pet you’ve ever had and how much you loved them.

Now, just imagine that someone approaches you one day, out of the blue, and offers you a swap. They explain that you can have any other dog, axolotl, mouse, goldfish or cat in exchange for your beloved pet. What would you say?
THE NO-BRAINER
I’m assuming that most of you would say, “Absolutely not.” Why? Because that’s your dog/axolotl/mouse/goldfish/cat! You can’t just replace it with another one, it doesn’t work like that! You’re attached to your pet no matter how old and decrepit they’ve become and how many limbs or faculties they have lost.
And that’s exactly my point. It doesn’t work like that. We get attached to our pets and by extension, our partners, children, and co-workers. They simply can’t be replaced.
So, the point of this column is to remember this story the next time you are feeling really jealous. Because, like a treasured pet, you can’t be replaced either.
Now, I need to point out that I’m not talking about being envious, which is, as Gretchen Rubin
explains
, actually a good way of working out what you want more of in your life. Envy is that feeling of, “Gosh, I wish I was that person”. No. Not that feeling. I’m talking totally over the top, sick to the stomach, rage-fuelled, crazy-making jealousy.
THE TRIANGLE
Being jealous comes from being part of a social triangle. You know: you, your boss and that annoying co-worker that your boss seems to favour; or you, your best friend and that new girl from the gym who is spending way too much time with your best friend. Or, your beloved and well … let’s face it, anyone or anything.
In more intimate personal relationships, the triangle can be completed by other humans, personal devices, certain sites on the internet, hobbies, work and to come back to where we started: pets!
THE MISUNDERSTANDING
When it feels like the other person or thing is getting in the way of your relationship, it feels rotten. To make things worse, most people are not really comforting when we are suffering from the very common tendency to be jealous. So, we don’t often get the reassurance we are craving.
If we ever finally admit that we are jealous of another person or thing, our friend, colleague or partner will often get frustrated with us and say they don’t understand. Why? Because we’re pretty much accusing them of being the kind of person that would swap their pet if the opportunity came up. We’re accidentally assuming the absolute worst of them and they can feel really offended.
Sadly, the more frustrated they get, the more we feel that our relationship with them is threatened and the more likely we are to feel that we’re about to be swapped. Then, we can end up being very unpleasant to be around: snarling, snapping and suspicious.
So. Think about it. You have developed relationships over time with your colleagues, your partner, your family members and your friends. Your relationship with them is unique. You will always have a relationship with that person that is yours alone.
The first thing to do if you feel that your relationship is threatened by someone or something else is to remember that when there is a connection or attachment between beings, it is not easy for people to let those connections go. Your friend may laugh with the new girl, but they can never replace the history that the two of you have built up.
THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER
Unfortunately, our wiring means that the anticipation of loss is much more stressful than the expectation of gain. Because jealousy is about that potential for loss, it is a truly horrible, disempowering feeling. It happens to us all and it’s up to all of us to manage it the best that we can.
Usually, you can count on your friends, colleagues or partner to stand by you no matter how old and decrepit you’ve become and how many limbs or faculties you have lost.
And hey, if any of them turn out to be the kind of person that would swap their pet, you certainly do not want them in your life. Go well, everyone!

Facebook, you can take your ‘Friends Day’ video and stick it

The post even says ‘we care about you and your memories’. Stop it, Facebook. You’re making me mist up.
While it’s a vaguely charming concept, often the memories that are being resurrected aren’t the warm fuzzy moment they were hoping for. Sometimes you’ll be met with a pic of an ex-partner (which is a stinging slap in the face if you’re not entirely ‘over it’ and you’re having a vulnerable moment). Perhaps they choose to remind you that your friend who died of breast cancer is no longer with you. Or maybe it’s simply a bittersweet reminder that a pal who was the centre of your world eight years ago is no longer in your orbit.
Yesterday Facebook celebrated their 12-year anniversary by ramping up the Friendship Fail Factor to a new level with the ‘Friends Day’ video — an auto generated collage of photos from over the years. So instead of a single picture you can enjoy a
An added buzzkill is that the montage gives you the opportunity to see how you’ve aged over the years. The only real upside we can see is that the video may have acted as a wake up call for people who post lots of selfies to Facebook — if your ‘friendship’ trip down memory lane consisted of an array of photos of you alone in a bathroom, it may be time to consider your life choices.
Users were quick to voice their dissatisfaction with the Friends Day video on Twitter.

Oh the terrible memories! Em Rusciano just got invited to her 20 year high school reunion

You’ve got this Rusciano, you can do it.
Hurt and humiliation went hand-in-hand with high school for me.
I was a hirsute, flat chested, short haired kook.
My peak low point was the school swimming carnival in Year 8. I’d put on my green Speedos in the locker room and to my horror noticed my armpit hair could no longer be tucked away and held in place with sweat and impulse merrily musk. It looked like I had two Guinea pigs nestling in either pit.
As I desperately tried to rip them out with my bear hands a girl named Kristy* walked into the change rooms and caught a glimpse of the situation under my arms.
Reeling back in horror she exclaimed: “OH MY GOD! THAT’S GROSS!”
She then backed out of the change rooms at an impressive pace and ran towards the pool. I didn’t know what to do.
I was mortified. Of all the people to see me it of course had to be her. Kristy had the kind of perky DD tits that made watching her do the backstroke a religious experience. She was the hottest girl in a three grade radius.
I knew she’d be gathering an army, as teenage girls are prone to do. As I stood alone and frightened in the dunnies, I imagined her describing the black forest within my person to every kid she came across. I knew she’d be rallying the troops against me, whipping them into a hateful frenzy.
Then, after 10 or so minutes, I had my answer. Over the loudspeaker I heard: “Could Em HAIRYano please report to the pool deck, your 50m freestyle event is about to start. Em HAIRYano”.
If spontaneously combusting from embarrassment were a thing, I would have.
I only keep in contact with two people from high school. One of them is my piano player and music director Jeremy (who was once picked up by the legs and run crotch first into a steel pylon) and the other is my best friend Michael, who also went through a similar kind of torture only he was a tubby, closeted, theatre nerd.
We were quite the pair — just look at us!
I’ve not seen my tormentors in 20 years. I’m well aware that most of them won’t remember how horrible they were to me. In fact, I know that’s the case as sometimes they contact me to say ‘hey’ and congratulate me on how well my life seems to be going.
I’m also aware that perhaps I have built it up to be far more than it actually was. At the time though, it was my entire world.
Obviously my first reaction to the invitation was a dream montage in which Michael and I re-enact
Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion
. We’re both much hotter now (which let’s be honest, isn’t a great accomplishment) and doing pretty well all things considered. I’ve a wonderful career, husband and kids. Michael has a critically acclaimed film, lost 20kg and written high rating TV shows.
So I decided that I would go, maybe I needed to face these people as adults, as equals, and put it all behind me: I’m 36 now, it’s probably time.
I’d even started workshopping outfits that looked effortlessly chic that hopefully said “hey I’ve aged well, look immaculate and I am now able to forgive you despite the relentless bullying you put me through”. But then late last night I actually checked the date and realised I couldn’t go! I would be on stage in Brisbane performing my stand-up show which ironically, some of, is about high school.
I realise that if high school was a happy time for you, if you were fortunate enough to be popular then this may seem like a dramatic over-reaction.
But if you were one of us, the marginalised, the teased, the not cool enough, then you will understand my pain. I also know that because of what happened to me in high school, I am the person I am today, all the good and bad parts.
I was certainly forced to develop a sense of humour as a coping mechanism. The burning desire to prove myself to those people has driven me mad and to success in equal measure.
To 13-year-old Em HAIRYano, you’ve got this babes. It all turns out OK — laser hair removal will become your best friend.

Mums have found Instagram. Run!

I know this because my parents now have a shared account. Yep ... Shared. This is the first sign of the apocalypse.
Not only do they have an account but they are completely obsessed with it.
Sitting around the table at lunch last weekend both of them were in their element snapping away, posting pics, refreshing the feed for likes. Hey parents! That’s OUR schtick!
On the odd occasion when they did have their heads up, it was to share a running commentary on who they follow and who follows them. What a thrilling conversation it was for everyone involved.
Some favourites from my mother’s mouth included:
“Bridget from work always likes my pictures!”
“Nathan! Stop being silly and smile properly! I want a photo of you and the good cutlery!”
“The one of me in front of my new kitchen tiles got 37 likes last week!”
“Nathan, why haven’t you followed me back?” I follow you!!”
We’ve seen this behaviour before. Facebook changed forever after mums got on board. For some reason most dads were never too keen on the old facey — but mums? My God. They got among it — and then ruined it.
It happened in two phases.
PHASE ONE: COMMENT BOMBING
It went down like this.
Your mate Trevor got smashed and pooed his pants on the weekend. The pic is uploaded to Facebook. Your crew lose their minds. So many likes, so many comments.
It’s all going off until Trevor’s mum, Gill, gets among it “TREVOR I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS!!” she would type.
Stumps is called. No more comments from anyone. It’s all over. Thanks, Gill.
PHASE TWO: MUM MEMES
After figuring out how to friend request every human that you have ever met in your life, mums have somehow learnt to share memes.
And share they do. Are they funny memes? No. They are what I call “Mum memes”
We all click accept to our friend’s mum’s friendship because it’s the polite thing to do. And as usual, manners ruin everything.
Facebook has changed. You don’t communicate much on there anymore. You log on and scroll through a feed to find the latest Jimmy Fallon clip. But first you have to jump into the sea of Mum Memes to get there.
Mums have now found Instagram. Go forth and warn the masses. The end is nigh. They’re multiplying.

THE USER

Friendship is a two-way street, but this mate is disobeying all traffic signals. An easy way to identify the ‘user’ is the ‘call and dump’ whereby they call, dump their problems on you, then hang up. There’s no conversation, no back and forth no ‘so how’ve you been anyway?’ Every interaction with this friend is working through their issues, how they feel about things, dissecting their news without a single question about where you’re at. This person uses your friendship, but only when required ie. getting you to accompany them to a work drinks so they don’t arrive alone then deserting you at the first sight of a recognisable face.

THE ‘ONLY WHEN I’M SINGLE FRIEND’

The one you become ‘joint at the hip’ with the moment you’re back on the market. You basically do everything together with this mate. Talk to each other about partying, get ready to party together, partying, getting food when you’re hungover after partying, planning the next time you’ll party ... OK, so maybe you have less in common than first thought. Actually you have nothing in common with this person. Nothing. Come to think of it, you hardly even actually know them because every time you’re together the music is so loud you don’t talk to each other (apart from asking each other ‘another drink?’) As soon as you find happiness with a new partner, they fall off the face of the earth and seem unhappy that you’re now happy. Every now and then you wonder what they’ve been up to lately … most likely partying?

THE FLAKER

This is the friend that posts on social media all week about ‘how excited’ they are to catch up. There may even be the odd ‘it’s been too long’ text in the lead up to the event and several tags in cheesy Instagram quotes about the true meaning of friendship with the hashtag #MissYou. Yet moments before, they cancel on you. In the worst way possible — via text with some long winded, nonsensical excuse that involves their hectic week of work, their sick dog and/or the family function they conveniently forgot about. A pattern emerges as their ‘I miss you’ texts start again ahead of the next catch up that they end up cancelling again anyway. The only reliable thing about this mate is how unreliable they are. But they’ll continue to post #ThrowbackThursday pictures of years ago when you actually physically saw them regardless

THE ‘I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER WHY WE’RE FRIENDS’ FRIEND

You know the ones, those people you’ve known since you were a kid, or were high-school besties with, but now the entire friendship is based on the past. We all grow into ourselves over time, which means things can get awkies when you realise you’re totally different people with absolutely nothing in common. You need to think carefully about why you’ve decided to surround yourself with people — do they make you laugh? Are they your rock? Or is it just because you’ve known each other for a long time? It’s time to ask yourself if that’s really reason enough.

THE ‘ONLY IF IT’S CONVENIENT FOR ME’ FRIEND

We’ve all had ‘em, probably without even realising it because this so-called friend is extremely talented in disguising their own needs as servicing you both, but don’t be fooled, they’re only thinking about one person in every situation … and it’s not you. This mate expects all elements of your relationship to work to their schedule. The place, date and time of all catchups must be suited to their needs. Plus any communication from their end, will only be at a moment in time that’s convenient for them ie. not when you actually need it! The moment a touch of effort needs to be exerted to keep the friendship flames alive, you’d better believe they’ll be ‘way too busy’ but ‘miss you’ all the same.

GOOD SPIRITS

All say they would have preferred to have a different birth date. But there are up sides, “It’s summer, people are in good spirits and it’s a real plus to have your family around you loving life. From that perspective, it’s great,” says Ms Holgate.
“I think it would be worse if it was a couple of days before or after Christmas,” says Ms Sokol, “It would be too close and you would have already have seen all your family already.”
Sharing his birthday with the festive season hasn’t dampened Mr Wilson’s spirits but it has led him to go cold on another celebration. “I love to celebrate Christmas, but now I’m not sure I like people making a big deal of their own birthdays.”
Meanwhile, Ms Holgate says some people have had some odd ideas about how Christmas babies should get round having their day dominated. “Some said I should celebrate my conception date and I was like, ‘hell no, my parents don’t have sex.’ I’d find celebrating that day a little bit strange.”
Besides, she said, the blame lies partly with her. “I think I was actually due in January so it’s all my fault anyway.”