My husband became my wife: Transgender stories on SBS program

Those five words changed Kerry Haywood’s life forever and hit her like a bolt out of the blue.
When her husband Peter told her he was transgender three years ago, she admits the news came as a total surprise.
The couple, who have been together for 20 years and married for 17, had a happy, loving relationship.
But underneath Kerry knew her husband was unhappy about something, she just had no idea what or why he had been drinking so heavily.
Unable to live with the truth any longer, Peter finally confessed to his loving partner that he wanted to become a woman — a desire he had suppressed since his teenage years.
The Melbourne couple were driving along a freeway on holiday at the time when Peter revealed he wanted to become Peta.
Kerry told news.com.au she didn’t know whether to throw “herself out of the car” and end her marriage right there or listen to what her partner had to say.
The Melbourne couple, who own and run their own business, feature on SBS Insight tonight which looks at Love Transformed and transgender relationships.
It also looks at what is it like to be the loved one of someone who comes out as transgender and whether relationships can survive such a monumental change.
Speaking to news.com.au ahead of the program going to air, Peta said she always felt different, but having gone to an all boys school didn’t want to stand out.
“My school was quite rough so I didn’t want to put my hand up and say hey I’m different,” Peta said.
But at the age of 19 the truth of those feelings were revealed when Peter, then a young father, got dressed up for a fancy dress party as a woman.
Seeing the woman in the reflection made him realise he was trapped in the wrong body.
“It all made sense,” Peta said.
But with a baby and soon to be married to his first wife, Peter buried his feelings.
They all came back when Peta hit 50 in what she calls her change of life. She started to thin on top, grew her nails and shave all over.
Depression began to set in and Kerry had no idea how to help.
“Peter became very angry and was drinking a lot,” Kerry said.
“But I was naive and had no idea what was wrong — Peter went to great lengths to hide it.”
What followed was a lot of soul searching and some counselling before Peta was finally diagnosed with gender dysphoria and began transitioning.
“By the time I told Kerry I had hit rock bottom,” Peta said.
For Kerry the decision was clear: She could either stay with the person she loved or end her marriage.
She chose the former realising it was the person, not the sex of the person that mattered most.
“My previous marriage had been very tough,” Kerry said “Peter had everything I wanted in a man. I had to realise Peta was still the same person just in a female form.”
Kerry admitted she never considered marriage with a woman but knew if she wanted things to work she had to learn to live with Peter as Peta, an idea which she found hard as a heterosexual woman.
“I decided to work on my marriage, a lot of people would have given up but I needed to give it a shot,” she said.
“Love is love at the end of the day.”
What followed was one of the toughest years of their lives where they “laughed as much as they cried”.
For Kerry there was a new range of emotions to deal with from grieving to anger and finally acceptance.
The couple, who have four adult children between them, said they took the news surprisingly well and Peta said she now had a much better relationship with her daughter than ever.
They said 99 per cent of people accepted their relationship but there were times it was easier to admit they were sisters rather than explaining they were in fact married.
While Peta’s trans journey has been far from easy, the couple said sticking it out has been worth it
They hope their appearance on Insight will show others that such a change doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship but rather a new beginning.
Kerry recently proposed to Peta and the couple now plan to renew their marriage vows.
“It’s now Peta’s turn to be a bride,” she said.
The show also features other families who have had a loved one come out as transgender.
For Josh Hewitt, the news his father Kevin was becoming Karen was devastating.
When his father revealed his news, Josh tells Insight at 17 the timing coincided with everything he questioned about manhood.
He also said he felt he lost a father figure at a pivotal time in his life.
However Karen reveals she had no choice.
“My timing wasn’t exactly perfect,” she said.
“But when you hit rock bottom the choice was either my family with Karen or they’ve got no Karen.”
Sharon Swiatlo lost a daughter but gained a son when her child Nevo started taking male hormones at the age of 18.
For her the news her only child wanted to change sex was a huge blow but she has become enormously supportive of Nevo’s transition.
“I only had one child and I only wanted a girl,” she tells Insight. “I was adamant I wanted a girl. Well, I got both.”