Patrick Abboud on coming out to his parents and the Arab community

IF ANYONE knows the pain and agony of what it means to come out, it’s Patrick Abboud.

Then he had to face a sometimes hostile reaction from some members of the Arab community.
But two years on from his first hosting of the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, Abboud has advice to others in that situation: It does get better and easier.
Abboud, who is this year co-hosting the 2016 Mardi Gras, said not only have his parents made him proud with their “amazing attitude” but his mum even told her friends about him hosting the parade.
He said while coming out was hard due to cultural barriers, his parents were proof that anything was possible.
While his parents are now more accepting and supportive, he still has one big barrier to break down — the wider Arab community.
Abboud, who is of Lebanese/Palestinian descent, said sexuality remained a taboo subject in his culture.
He said it was so frowned upon that he knew, and had reported on cases, where gay and lesbian people entered marriages of convenience just to keep ties with their families.
“This is still happening today in Australia and abroad. Some people feel it’s their only option and I want to try and change that,” he said.
for some LGBTI people from ethnic backgrounds.
So when he was approached to first host the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras two years ago, he knew he had to do it.
“It was like a second coming out,” he told news.com.au of first hosting the broadcast in 2014.
“It was a pretty big deal because my family knew but there was a ‘no one else could know’ type view. It was always going to be very difficult for us as a family because of the stigma in the wider Arabic speaking community.
“My parents were very torn and still are to some degree but they’ve come a long way.
“They know I’m passionate about making change for others so there is more of a sense that it is possible.
“Mum and dad are so brave. They are incredible. I love them so much and I’m so proud of them. You can be Arab, you can be gay or lesbian or trans and you don’t have to give up your family or choose between the two.
“They know what I went through and, like me, they don’t want it to be so hard for others so they are incredibly supportive now”.
The cultural barrier was the main reason he decided to keep his sexuality a secret for so long and why he was cloaked head-to-toe as a Sheikh when he first marched in the parade 12 years ago.
His reservation was understandable in a culture where being gay, lesbian or transgender is just not on.
But it’s something he’s hoping he can change which is why he is again co-hosting the SBS Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras broadcast on Sunday night — because he wants those from ethnic communities to know it’s OK to be gay.
He also believes his parents, who now talk openly about him hosting the broadcast, can help educate other parents and elders in the community.
“Being gay is still illegal in many parts of the Middle East and is even punishable by death in some extreme cases,” he said.
“Many older Arab Australians will still hold onto traditional ideas and values even though they’ve lived here a long time.”
“The fact my mum can now talk about this with her friends has given me even more ability to change things in our wider Arab community. I can speak more freely.”
Abboud said he spoke to other Arabs including one young woman Tanya and her parents from the NSW North Coast who came out to her Lebanese parents.
“They’re telling their family story for the first time which is difficult for them. They are so bravely putting themselves on the line because there is inevitably people in the community that will frown upon it,” he said.
Fortunately Tanya’s parents not only accepted it but have become an advocate for her and other gay and lesbian people in the Arab community.
“They are incredible people and an absolute inspiration. I’m so blessed to have met them. We need more parents like mine and Tanya’s to speak out.”
The SBS presenter said the Arab community’s reaction to his own coming out has been mixed — some have accepted it, some have been hostile while others have just wanted to talk about it and start a dialogue.
But Abboud said it was through talking and storytelling that change happened.
“It’s the parents, within families where things need to change the most,” he said.
“It’s also about visibility, when I was 15-16 struggling with my sexuality as a gay Arab there was nothing, it was rare to see LGBTI issues in the mainstream let alone someone of Arab descent being openly gay.
“It needs to change in the Arab community and the way to make that possible is through visibility, education and perseverance.”
Abboud has been busy in the lead up to the Mardi Gras filming a series of stories from the LGBTI community that will feature in the SBS broadcast.
“I got to work with an incredible team of storytellers this year and together we’ve created some very special stories that will really tug at the heart and shine a light on our unsung community heroes,” he said.
In the meantime he is also acting as a mentor to other gay and lesbian Arabic speaking young people as part of a project for ACON (Aids Council of NSW).
“I just want them to know its OK to love someone of the same sex,” he said.
“At the end of the day it all goes back to the homeland and educating the parents as well, because if they tell their story to one family, then so will another.
“It’s a very slow process, but it will change in time.”