Why Christmas really is the season for separation

WHILE most of us use the Christmas period to celebrate and surround ourselves with loved ones, the silly season is also the biggest time for marriages to go in to meltdown.
In today’s Marriage and Divorce statistics released by the ABS, the number of divorces have decreased by 1,140 in 2014, with a total of 46,498 applications granted in Australia. But, the amount of joint applications for divorce has continued to rise, with 19,281 divorces granted from joint applications.
Despite the overall divorce rates being lower than last year, the Australian Institute of Family Studies indicated that the figure among couples over the age of 50 was going up. This may be due to people getting married at a later age than in previous years, with men tying the knot at 31.5 years, and women walking down the aisle at 29.6.
So why are we seeing a trend of ‘silver splitters’ just in time for Christmas?
Slater & Gordon Divorce and Family lawyer, Heather McKinnon, said the silly season was the busiest time of year in terms of dealing with divorce, and agreed the ‘silver splitters’ were becoming more and more common.
“Silver wedding anniversary couples or empty nesters fall in to that more common bubble, because many people stick in their relationship until their children reach adulthood,” Mrs McKinnon told news.com.au
“Usually we see a number of people use their child’s exam period to get preliminary advice on applying for a divorce, and then once that time of the school year is over, the marriage will file for divorce in January or February.”
“The Christmas and holiday period is the most stressful time for families. It’s the time of year when you’re stuck together. During other times of the year, couples can ignore the dysfunction, because kids are at school and at least one of the parents are at work,” she said.
For 23-year-old Sally and her younger brother Andy, their parents tried everything to stay together until they were both out of school before filing for divorce.
“My brother was halfway through his HSC and I was a year out of school,” Sally told news.com.au
“My dad would always tell us that the only reason he was still with mum was because we were both still living at home and because it would make school stressful [for Andy].
“He would always say that as soon as we finished school, he’d be outta there.”
But for Sally, the tension and hostility within the household was evident.
“We definitely knew there was something wrong even before they separated,” she said.
“I wish they had separated years earlier, because it was so much harder having to deal with the constant arguing and nastiness about each other.
“I think by the time they did separate, my brother and I were relieved, but then the year following the separation was one of the toughest years of my life.
“It was super tough for my brother though, it really did effect his HSC but it was more the way that they went about the whole thing. I think there was so much built up hate that when my dad did decide to leave it just all blew up.
“They definitely handled the worst way and took it all out on us”.
Common in China, it was revealed in an annual ‘divorce peak’ study that marriages were breaking down in June — September, which are the months immediately following China’s National College Entrance exam, known as the Gaokao.
In an interview with the China Daily, marriage lawyer Zhou Hao said since the end of the 2015 Gaokao, Zhou had received about 30 requests for divorce assistance, with more than 20 involving mothers whose children took part in this year’s college entrance exam.
Clinical Psychologist Elisabeth Shaw told the Australian Financial Review many couples waited until their late 40s and 50s because that’s when their children usually finished school, and they were more grown up and able to deal with the change.
“Commonly that’s when the children are in their mid-teens or outside of school, so people feel freer to make those decisions.”
Couples therapist and psychologist Dr Debra Campbell acknowledged the latter part of the year often called for more stressful situations, because holiday periods resulted in troubled couples spending more time together, without much room to escape.
“We see who our partners really are, and that reality hits hard, especially if the relationship isn’t going well,” Dr Campbell told news.com.au
“It’s common to hear ‘I’ve been waiting until school or exams to end’ to end the marriage. It’s a reality for many parents that they’re hanging in there in a pretty unhappy relationship for their sons and daughters to finish their education or another year of their education, to keep the home, finances and routines stable for the kids for as long as possible.
“As soon as the focus of the kids is removed, they have to face reality of life together, and that’s a big time of revaluation.
Many parents try and ‘stick out’ their marriage until their kids are older and able to deal with the change. But according to Dr Campbell, this mindset isn’t necessarily beneficial to the child.
“Kids can tell, it provides a model to them and it might not be a model that’s helpful to them,” she said.
In 2014, divorces involving children represented 47 per cent of all applications granted compared with 47.4 per cent in 2013.