The difference between Em Rusciano and her husband going on an overseas trip

His pre departure routine looked a lot like this:
1. Pack
2. Fly to Italy.
As I type this I’m preparing to leave my family for 14 days. Sorry what? Is it a lovely European bike riding holiday?
No, it’s two weeks of WORK thank you for asking. (Pettiness level = Expert.)
I’m fairly sure hostages have been extracted from highly volatile situations with less planning and negotiating than what is currently going on in my house, so that I may leave relatively guilt and anxiety free.
No s**t, I’ve put together an excel spread sheet so that everyone knows where they’re meant to be and how they’re getting there and back.
Meals have been planned, birthday presents pre-purchased and reminder notes attached to the walls. My list is 32 items deep! Go back and look at my husband’s. What a life eh?
Preparing for this trip away has clearly bought to light that I do too much for my family and I need to put a stop to it. At 1am last night as I was freezing meals, I realised that I’ve been trying to control things through care for far too long and the end of that story is: I’m exhausted.
A level of tiredness settled into my bones over the past year and I just couldn’t figure out why. Initially I thought it may be my iron levels or terrifyingly enough a surprise pregnancy but no, it’s because I still cut the crusts off my 14 year old’s sandwiches, pay the bills, clean and make everyone’s rooms and beds and provide all the meals seven days a week all while trying to maintain a fulltime career.
Look, I know a lot of you are reading this thinking: AND?! This is my reality too princess, get over yourself. First off: calm down. Secondly: Yes, fair point. But I ask you this: Aren’t you tired too? When was the last time you left the house without having to consider what the impact would be on the other people in your family? Obviously, if you have small children then you have legitimate time constraints and considerations. However my kids are old enough to do a lot of things for themselves.
It’s mostly my fault, I accept that. I haven’t shown them how to function without me. I’ve been micro managing my family for so long it’s all they know. Ironically, I started doing it because I thought it would make things easier for me in the long run — ha! — what a naive, controlling d***head I was!
What I also have to get better at is accepting the job that they do and not complaining or redoing it. The way my husband cleans the kitchen, for instance, is not going to be the same as me, because I think that you shouldn’t just sweep the crap on the floor into a pile in the corner and hope that the dust fairies come to take it away for you. (Pettiness level = GRAND MASTER WIZARD!)
This trip away is coming at a good time, it will not only remind them of all that I do (which is nice for my huge yet fragile ego) but also show them how they’re totally capable of continuing on without my help.
Upon my return I’m planning a slow retraction of my services. Not an all out retreat, I’m not going to take to the couch and shout orders while hard bodied young men feed me grapes (although let’s stick a pin in that idea for later, OK you guys?) No it will be far gentler than that.
Perhaps you could think of me as the tide, slowly easing back from the shore in a natural and delicate fashion so as not to disturb the delicate ecosystem around me but slowly disappearing nonetheless.
Wait. The tide comes back in though doesn’t it?
OK so in this scenario I am a rare and special tide that has always been in, I have filled up the space on the shore for many years and now my time to go out into the open sea has come.
I’m willing to concede that my tide analogy has flaws, but I’m sure you get the gist.