10 secrets to a loving, lasting relationship

THESE days the idea of doing anything ‘forever’ seems frightening.
In a time when the honeymoon period is defined as something transient and ‘till death do us part’ seems more like a suggestion than a binding contract there are some couples who’ve lasted beyond the dreaded seven-year itch and are still desperately in love.
So what’s the secret to their long-term success? I went searching of these couples and gave them a questionnaire to find out if there are any common traits to loving, lasting relationships. Turns out there is …
They all knew they’d met ‘the one’ early on
Ever met someone who’s been with their partner for years and still isn’t sure if they’re the one? Better tell them to pack their bags. All the couples said they knew within the first few weeks or months, with some admitting they knew from the first date.
“[The first night we met] we stayed up talking all night and in the morning we drove our cars side by side all the way home, stealing glances, grinning at each other, pulling faces. I knew that day this was something different because I’d never felt that way before.” – Niska*
It was easy
No matter how many times we hear the words “when you meet the right person everything is easy” we still let difficult relationships go on for too long hoping they’re the exception. Easy doesn’t mean never having a fight or never going through a rough patch but it does mean when you hit those rough patches you come together and sort it out as a team.
“After major arguments you might storm out of the house with an “I’ve had enough” kind of attitude. It takes about two seconds of rational headspace to realise how stupid and selfish that kind of thinking is” — Chad
Their friends love their partner
How many of us have broken up with someone and heard a collective sigh of relief from our closest friends? Your mates have a knack for recognising when someone is wrong for you way before you do. If they don’t seem to be gelling it might be time to assess the situation without the rose coloured glasses on.
“I think my friends probably like her more than me which is fine because she’s awesome” — Seb*
They weren’t desperately looking for love
Turns out the saying “love comes along when you least expect it” is true so start focusing on yourself and let love arrive when it’s ready.
“[When we met] I was probably the strongest I’d ever been as I knew what I would and wouldn’t accept in the next relationship” — Jo
“[When we met] I was happy within myself. I could have been completely fine living the next 50 years without a partner because my life was rich BUT it’s made me happier beyond my imagination.” Niska*
They have separate interests
We’ve all met people in relationships who can’t do a single thing apart. At first it seems sweet until you realise they’re either co-dependent or don’t trust each other. Each couple said while they loved every minute with their partner they also knew how important it was to grow individually.
“We go on holidays separately with friends but we also give each other as much freedom to adventure off and do things individually.” – Jo
They make each other laugh
It’s a long life without anyone cracking a gag.
They admire each other
They could all list a lot of things they loved about their partner.
“She’s smarter than I am, she’s funnier than I am. She’s beautiful (radiant), generous and she teaches me things about life and she’s unaware of it. I’m in awe of her.” – Seb*
“I think she is stunningly beautiful, she makes me happy and makes me laugh. I look with admiration at how hard she works, her passion (and exceptional talent) for being creative and how much she loves our boys” — Chad
They’re not jealous
Nothing kills romance like insecure paranoia. Jealousy never does anyone any favours and it turns out not having it in your relationship is a sure fire way to have a successful one. So do yourself a favour and get the green-eyed monster in check.
“I can honestly say I’ve never felt jealous of his friendship or behaviour with anyone.” – Jo
They’d all discussed getting engaged before it happened
Ever heard someone say they’re with ‘the one’ but they’re not sure whether the other person feels the same? Turns out the first conversation you have about being together forever shouldn’t be when one of you gets down on one knee.
“We both knew it was going to happen but he always said it would be when I least expected it. So when I was cleaning the bath I used to yell out “Now would be a really good time, I’m totally not expecting it.” - Christie
They work on their marriage
Whether it’s therapy to deal with personal issues that affect the relationship, maintaining open and honest communication or by consciously doing things to brighten each other’s day, happy couples work hard to make sure their relationship continues to grow.