Combating Flu, One Text4baby mother At A Time

Cool weather. colorful leaves. And the arrival of influenza, with flu safety becoming a member of the “to do” lists of busy mothers everywhere. It’s fall! And it’s the time of year we’re particularly enthusiastic about the capability of our text4baby service to assist pregnant women, new moms, and their babies live healthful.

The country’s biggest cell fitness information carrier, text4baby has reached more than 630,000 ladies because its launch in 2010, presenting unfastened fitness and safety records at mom’s fingertips. all through flu season, text4baby messages encompass immunization reminders and resources. And this yr, a new partnership is expanding get entry to to flu pictures for moms throughout the usa.

HMHB simply introduced ceremony useful resource as the first text4baby national retail accomplice, and we’re running collectively to connect more ladies to health and protection statistics. In birthday celebration, rite aid is supplying 10,000 free flu pictures to text4baby moms this season.

thru a custom designed model of the provider, round ads, in-save presentations, social media, and outreach from well being Ambassadors, rite resource is sharing text4baby and assisting moms sign up. women who text infant or BEBE to 511411 will obtain three unfastened textual content messages in step with week all through their pregnancy and baby’s first 12 months, in English or Spanish, personalised to mom’s due date or child’s delivery date.

On October 15th, text4baby notified ladies enrolled inside the provider that ceremony resource is providing free flu shots to text4baby mothers. folks who need to take part really text a respond and obtain a completely unique code for redeeming a unfastened flu shot at any ceremony useful resource region.

This effort honestly subjects. Flu shots are vitally crucial for pregnant girls and might defend mothers-to-be and their unborn toddlers, even extending to the safety of baby’s new child health. because of modifications in the immune system, heart, and lungs during being pregnant, pregnant girls are at elevated hazard of intense infection and flu headaches. while an expectant mother gets unwell with the flu, she faces multiplied threat of hospitalization and, in extreme instances, maternal loss of life. The baby of a pregnant women who receives ill with the flu is also at threat, dealing with increased danger for miscarriage or preterm start.

Flu photographs for all mothers (and dads, extended family, and caregivers) are also vital to keeping toddlers healthful. toddlers are at elevated risk for severe fitness headaches from the flu. And on account that they can’t obtain the flu vaccine till six months of age,  they rely on the immunization of these around them for safety against the spread of the virus.

This flu season, we’re in it together. Will you be part of us in telling pregnant ladies and new moms approximately the text4baby service and the ceremony useful resource partnership?

New child Screening: A mom’s tale

four years ago, i used to be spending late September making plans a future with my husband and our daughter, who turned into kicking like loopy in my developing stomach as I entered my very last trimester of my first pregnancy. I had no concept it changed into new child Screening cognizance Month. In some days, the nurse educator would gloss over newborn screening in my childbirth class, however i'd slightly take word. i used to be so bombarded with records.

This September, my daughter ought to have began preschool. as an alternative, my life is now committed to advocating for the screening i discovered such a tiny a part of my pregnancy four years in the past.

My daughter Cora was born November 30, 2009. I’d skilled a everyday pregnancy, everyday shipping, and when she become born she regarded ideal. She had the largest cheeks I’d ever seen on a newborn. I highly bear in mind the pediatrician examining her intently the day after she changed into born, turning to my husband and i and declaring her the image of appropriate health and including with a big grin, “She’s were given a few meeeega cheeks!”

For the next few days her exclamation brought on a new nickname for our daughter. We took our little mega cheeks home from the medical institution at forty eight hours, simply after her newborn bloodspot become accrued.

simply 3 days later, we were dashing to the medical institution, no longer understanding that if simplest she were screened with a brand new type of new child screening no longer automatically accomplished in our home state of Indiana at the time, she never would have left the hospital – and could have received instantaneous care. Early one morning, I nursed her even as my husband showered. He exited the bathe, came over and stroked one in all Cora’s mega cheeks, told me he loved me and walked over to the chair a few feet away. I regarded up in short, watching him take those few steps.

when I seemed backpedal, I observed something become wrong. Cora changed into limp. She changed into a sickening grey color and she or he didn’t seem to be breathing. I jumped up and yelled, “She’s now not respiratory, name 911.” My husband dialed, but we soon found out we were five mins from the clinic and could get her there a good deal speedy. We were on the hospital in much less than 10 minutes from after I first seemed down to my dead infant, but it turned into too past due. She was long past.

We had no idea why, or how. some days later, the coroner called and used a phrase I’d by no means heard earlier than, regardless of reading each pregnancy ebook I should get my arms on: “congenital coronary heart disorder.”

I searched for solutions. I soon found out about an advocacy push via mothers across the country to display all babies – the type of screening that most probably might have detected Cora’s coronary heart trouble. on the time, it changed into virtually known as “pulse ox screening,” named after the gadget used to display screen. And while some hospitals were screening sporadically around the u . s . a ., no country become mechanically screening.

Now better referred to as essential congenital coronary heart ailment (CCHD) screening, more than 30 states have regulation or regulation modifications making it mandatory. toddlers like Cora aren’t leaving the sanatorium untreated. as an alternative, more of them have become the life-saving interventions they need, without delay.

I’m proud that Cora and i have performed a small position in making that appear. After pouring over the proof at the back of the screening and intently following federal efforts to add CCHD screening to the federally endorsed panel, I went on a quest to skip “Cora’s law” in Indiana.

I’m proud to mention that in may 2011, the primary piece of CCHD screening rules in the country become exceeded into regulation, with Maryland and New Jersey following within weeks. Indiana started out screening each toddler in January 2012, and by way of that spring, I met and held one of the first infants inside the kingdom saved by Cora’s law.

quickly, i found a collection of mother and father as devoted as me with their very own new child screening memories, and their commitment to greater advocacy and cognizance for metabolic and hearing screening, in addition to CCHD screening. I have become a volunteer for the shop infants through Screening foundation someday that year, and recently joined SBTS as a member of the board of administrators and as the Director of CHD programs.

September is newborn Screening awareness Month. 4 years ago in the course of this health observance, I concept handiest folks that had situations which “ran inside the own family” had to be conscious. And that these situations were uncommon, and wouldn’t show up to my circle of relatives. i was wrong. every discern, caregiver, and pediatric medical company desires to analyze from my mistake.

Don’t take these “simple screenings” as a right. they can actually be the difference among lifestyles and dying.

How to make friends as a grown-man

But it seems forming and maintaining solid friendships later in life is especially tough for blokes. So how do you make friends as a grown-up?
That’s the subject of a mini-documentary from Vice, How to Make Friends As a Grown-Ass Man, in partnership with the Movember Foundation.
Vice host Micah Greenwood puts aside his insecurities and soldiers on through the awkwardness in an attempt to make some new mates.
“We found that a quarter of men between the ages of 35 and 55 have no one they can rely on outside their immediate family,” men’s mental health researcher Charlie Coulton tells Micah.
 “There are blokes who are quite good at maintaining a surface level, a veneer level of social connectedness, but aren’t very good at deepening those relationships to have honest and empathic conversations,” Mr Coulton said.
Micah, 31, is a Queenslander who moved down to Melbourne for work, and says he can identify with this situation.
“I didn’t know anyone when I moved down here. A lot of the friends I made have been through work or friends of friends,” he said.
Micah tries three activities — footy training, speed dating and a whisky masterclass — to try and meet new people.
He’s affectionately crowned the ‘Knob of the Week’ by the West Brunswick Magpies, gets some conversation tips during speed dating (Top tip: ask someone about their ideal Saturday, rather than what they do for a living) and makes a new friend over shots of whisky.
The Movember Foundation wants to spread the word about how important close friendships are to our mental health.
“We know that good friendships and strong social connections help men to stay mentally healthy and can also reduce their risk of suicide,” executive director of the Movember Foundation, Paul Villanti, told B&T magazine.
“Movember is all about having fun and doing good, and this video demonstrates how blokes can have a good time, and perhaps also make some greater connections,” he said..

Is this the cruellest prank ever?

American prankster Roman Atwood, 32, has racked up more than seven million views of his “blowing up my kid prank” YouTube video since uploading it to the site on Sunday.
The clip shows Atwood road testing a quad bike with Kane, one of his two sons. He then is seen talking to his partner Brittney Smith before deciding to purchase the bike.
Atwood is seen by viewers telling Kane to hide while Smith goes to the car to get a cheque.
He swiftly puts a look-a-like dummy — wearing the same clothes as Kane — on the bike.
As Smith returns, Atwood appears to lose control of the quad bike — which is operated by a remote — and it zooms off with the dummy on the seat, flies off a ledge, and bursts into flames.
Smith runs and screams for her son who she believes is in the fireball.
She soon clues on to the prank as she approaches the explosion site and sees the dummy.
“It’s not funny, that’s not funny,” Smith said as she kicks Atwood.
“Don’t touch me, I’m done. I’m done honey, I can’t do it.”
Atwood grins and seeks reassurance.
“You still love me right?”
Some viewers described the prank as “the funniest thing ever” while others said it was “sadistic”.
“This isn’t funny, that’s just sad,” one YouTube user wrote.
But it’s not the first time Atwood has been behind a controversial prank.
His other videos include “The Kidnapping Children Experiment”, “The Public Rape Experiment” and “The Killing My Own Kid Prank” where he throws a dummy disguised as his five-year-old boy off a second story balcony in front of the child’s mother. That video has been viewed more than 26 million times.
Some viewers questioned the authenticity of the videos and said Smith was acting.
Smith has previously commented on Atwood’s pranks and said she wasn’t “in on them”.
“Oh no, there’s no way I could have been in on that,” Smith told Inside Edition.
“I was trembling. I’m not an actor, I’m a stay-at-home mum. There is no way I was in on this.”
Smith said she wasn’t bitter.
“You can’t live with a prankster and not expect to get pranked,” she said.
Atwood’s other pranks include pretending to confess to Smith that he cheated on her and posting an image of her on Instagram where she appeared to have drowned
And, earlier this year, he joined forces with fellow prankster Yousef Saleh Erakat to carry out the ‘suicide prank’.
They detailed to taxi drivers how their lives had turned for the worse before requesting to stop on a bridge and scale a security fence, appearing to prepare to jump.
The drivers, clearly distraught, talked the men down before Erakat and Atwood confessed that the prank was being filmed and that they were never going to jump.
Some viewers were moved by watching perfect strangers intervene but the video was slammed by many for “experimenting” with such an emotional issue and for driving viewers back to a website selling merchandise.
The pair’s videos include links to romanatwood.com or “The official Smile More store” where merchandise including shirts, hats, pens and even toothbrushes are sold.
“This is not an ‘experiment’ of any sort, just like the rest of their ‘experiments’. These are carefully scripted videos intended to be heartbreaking because stuff like that easily gets viral and accumulates millions of views. More views equal more money. They are not trying to spread any messages or raise awareness, they are purposely playing with people’s emotions because that brings them money,” one viewer wrote.
Atwood reportedly has a net worth of more than US$3.5million from his online pranks.

Choose wisely when adding friends to Facebook

A real estate agent in Tasmania went to the Fair Work Commission alleging she had been bullied by her employer. The woman said she had complained to the agency principal that she was not getting a fair representation of her properties displayed in the front window of the agency and, later that day, she found that she been deleted as a Facebook friend by the colleague she was having “issues” with.
The tribunal found unfriending her on Facebook showed a “lack of emotional maturity” and was “indicative of unreasonable behaviour”.
Look, we have all seen the, at-times, tragic consequences of cyber bullying, especially in teens. There is obviously more to this story than the mere pressing on the unfriend button, but it makes you stop and think — if you do ‘friend’ someone on Facebook, do it because you want them in your life. Not because you feel some work or peer pressure obligation to include them.
In no way at all can, or should, we belittle what may be a bigger-picture workplace bullying situation going on here. But the fact a Facebook friend elimination has entered into the bullying equation has set a questionable precedent.
Seriously, our private Facebook pages are about the last bastion of social media privacy left.
At least you can choose who your friends are and, in ‘friends’ I mean those who you are more than happy to share your family and private information with and those life moments you don’t particularly want the rest of the world to see.
My personal Facebook page is my page — the only people on it are those who I have actually met, shared a drink or conversation with or actually spoken to in ‘real’ life. Remember that?
I made that choice a while ago when creating a ‘friends’ Facebook page and a ‘work’ page. There is a big difference between the two.
Public pages are usually business-oriented and depending on your work game, you use it to post relevant career things or you may occasionally give a few snippets away about your life without getting too mushy, personal or intimate.
People come in and out of our lives. Some of these perceived ‘friends’ do bad by you, simply because they misuse trust and use what they see on your Facebook page in a malicious, gossipy or nasty way.
That has happened to me, and it has probably happened to lots of us, so why the hell allow these people access to your personal Facebook page? Delete and unfriend away, I say.
There are also other ‘real’ friends who may not be huge participants in posting on Facebook but I like them so much I am more than happy for them to see what is happening in my kooky life.
Having someone as a Facebook friend is like unlocking your diary and giving them a slice of your life. And that is precious.
There are some things in life you do want to keep just for your few/few hundred/ few thousand or whatever number of Facebook friends you have.
So to be accused of bullying because you choose to strike one of them from your list seems astounding.
If we all just got out in the world a bit more and didn’t live our entire lives through cyber space, it just could help decrease the incidence of cyber bullying ... one click at a time.

My husband became my wife: Transgender stories on SBS program

Those five words changed Kerry Haywood’s life forever and hit her like a bolt out of the blue.
When her husband Peter told her he was transgender three years ago, she admits the news came as a total surprise.
The couple, who have been together for 20 years and married for 17, had a happy, loving relationship.
But underneath Kerry knew her husband was unhappy about something, she just had no idea what or why he had been drinking so heavily.
Unable to live with the truth any longer, Peter finally confessed to his loving partner that he wanted to become a woman — a desire he had suppressed since his teenage years.
The Melbourne couple were driving along a freeway on holiday at the time when Peter revealed he wanted to become Peta.
Kerry told news.com.au she didn’t know whether to throw “herself out of the car” and end her marriage right there or listen to what her partner had to say.
The Melbourne couple, who own and run their own business, feature on SBS Insight tonight which looks at Love Transformed and transgender relationships.
It also looks at what is it like to be the loved one of someone who comes out as transgender and whether relationships can survive such a monumental change.
Speaking to news.com.au ahead of the program going to air, Peta said she always felt different, but having gone to an all boys school didn’t want to stand out.
“My school was quite rough so I didn’t want to put my hand up and say hey I’m different,” Peta said.
But at the age of 19 the truth of those feelings were revealed when Peter, then a young father, got dressed up for a fancy dress party as a woman.
Seeing the woman in the reflection made him realise he was trapped in the wrong body.
“It all made sense,” Peta said.
But with a baby and soon to be married to his first wife, Peter buried his feelings.
They all came back when Peta hit 50 in what she calls her change of life. She started to thin on top, grew her nails and shave all over.
Depression began to set in and Kerry had no idea how to help.
“Peter became very angry and was drinking a lot,” Kerry said.
“But I was naive and had no idea what was wrong — Peter went to great lengths to hide it.”
What followed was a lot of soul searching and some counselling before Peta was finally diagnosed with gender dysphoria and began transitioning.
“By the time I told Kerry I had hit rock bottom,” Peta said.
For Kerry the decision was clear: She could either stay with the person she loved or end her marriage.
She chose the former realising it was the person, not the sex of the person that mattered most.
“My previous marriage had been very tough,” Kerry said “Peter had everything I wanted in a man. I had to realise Peta was still the same person just in a female form.”
Kerry admitted she never considered marriage with a woman but knew if she wanted things to work she had to learn to live with Peter as Peta, an idea which she found hard as a heterosexual woman.
“I decided to work on my marriage, a lot of people would have given up but I needed to give it a shot,” she said.
“Love is love at the end of the day.”
What followed was one of the toughest years of their lives where they “laughed as much as they cried”.
For Kerry there was a new range of emotions to deal with from grieving to anger and finally acceptance.
The couple, who have four adult children between them, said they took the news surprisingly well and Peta said she now had a much better relationship with her daughter than ever.
They said 99 per cent of people accepted their relationship but there were times it was easier to admit they were sisters rather than explaining they were in fact married.
While Peta’s trans journey has been far from easy, the couple said sticking it out has been worth it
They hope their appearance on Insight will show others that such a change doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship but rather a new beginning.
Kerry recently proposed to Peta and the couple now plan to renew their marriage vows.
“It’s now Peta’s turn to be a bride,” she said.
The show also features other families who have had a loved one come out as transgender.
For Josh Hewitt, the news his father Kevin was becoming Karen was devastating.
When his father revealed his news, Josh tells Insight at 17 the timing coincided with everything he questioned about manhood.
He also said he felt he lost a father figure at a pivotal time in his life.
However Karen reveals she had no choice.
“My timing wasn’t exactly perfect,” she said.
“But when you hit rock bottom the choice was either my family with Karen or they’ve got no Karen.”
Sharon Swiatlo lost a daughter but gained a son when her child Nevo started taking male hormones at the age of 18.
For her the news her only child wanted to change sex was a huge blow but she has become enormously supportive of Nevo’s transition.
“I only had one child and I only wanted a girl,” she tells Insight. “I was adamant I wanted a girl. Well, I got both.”

Patrick Abboud on coming out to his parents and the Arab community

IF ANYONE knows the pain and agony of what it means to come out, it’s Patrick Abboud.

Then he had to face a sometimes hostile reaction from some members of the Arab community.
But two years on from his first hosting of the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, Abboud has advice to others in that situation: It does get better and easier.
Abboud, who is this year co-hosting the 2016 Mardi Gras, said not only have his parents made him proud with their “amazing attitude” but his mum even told her friends about him hosting the parade.
He said while coming out was hard due to cultural barriers, his parents were proof that anything was possible.
While his parents are now more accepting and supportive, he still has one big barrier to break down — the wider Arab community.
Abboud, who is of Lebanese/Palestinian descent, said sexuality remained a taboo subject in his culture.
He said it was so frowned upon that he knew, and had reported on cases, where gay and lesbian people entered marriages of convenience just to keep ties with their families.
“This is still happening today in Australia and abroad. Some people feel it’s their only option and I want to try and change that,” he said.
for some LGBTI people from ethnic backgrounds.
So when he was approached to first host the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras two years ago, he knew he had to do it.
“It was like a second coming out,” he told news.com.au of first hosting the broadcast in 2014.
“It was a pretty big deal because my family knew but there was a ‘no one else could know’ type view. It was always going to be very difficult for us as a family because of the stigma in the wider Arabic speaking community.
“My parents were very torn and still are to some degree but they’ve come a long way.
“They know I’m passionate about making change for others so there is more of a sense that it is possible.
“Mum and dad are so brave. They are incredible. I love them so much and I’m so proud of them. You can be Arab, you can be gay or lesbian or trans and you don’t have to give up your family or choose between the two.
“They know what I went through and, like me, they don’t want it to be so hard for others so they are incredibly supportive now”.
The cultural barrier was the main reason he decided to keep his sexuality a secret for so long and why he was cloaked head-to-toe as a Sheikh when he first marched in the parade 12 years ago.
His reservation was understandable in a culture where being gay, lesbian or transgender is just not on.
But it’s something he’s hoping he can change which is why he is again co-hosting the SBS Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras broadcast on Sunday night — because he wants those from ethnic communities to know it’s OK to be gay.
He also believes his parents, who now talk openly about him hosting the broadcast, can help educate other parents and elders in the community.
“Being gay is still illegal in many parts of the Middle East and is even punishable by death in some extreme cases,” he said.
“Many older Arab Australians will still hold onto traditional ideas and values even though they’ve lived here a long time.”
“The fact my mum can now talk about this with her friends has given me even more ability to change things in our wider Arab community. I can speak more freely.”
Abboud said he spoke to other Arabs including one young woman Tanya and her parents from the NSW North Coast who came out to her Lebanese parents.
“They’re telling their family story for the first time which is difficult for them. They are so bravely putting themselves on the line because there is inevitably people in the community that will frown upon it,” he said.
Fortunately Tanya’s parents not only accepted it but have become an advocate for her and other gay and lesbian people in the Arab community.
“They are incredible people and an absolute inspiration. I’m so blessed to have met them. We need more parents like mine and Tanya’s to speak out.”
The SBS presenter said the Arab community’s reaction to his own coming out has been mixed — some have accepted it, some have been hostile while others have just wanted to talk about it and start a dialogue.
But Abboud said it was through talking and storytelling that change happened.
“It’s the parents, within families where things need to change the most,” he said.
“It’s also about visibility, when I was 15-16 struggling with my sexuality as a gay Arab there was nothing, it was rare to see LGBTI issues in the mainstream let alone someone of Arab descent being openly gay.
“It needs to change in the Arab community and the way to make that possible is through visibility, education and perseverance.”
Abboud has been busy in the lead up to the Mardi Gras filming a series of stories from the LGBTI community that will feature in the SBS broadcast.
“I got to work with an incredible team of storytellers this year and together we’ve created some very special stories that will really tug at the heart and shine a light on our unsung community heroes,” he said.
In the meantime he is also acting as a mentor to other gay and lesbian Arabic speaking young people as part of a project for ACON (Aids Council of NSW).
“I just want them to know its OK to love someone of the same sex,” he said.
“At the end of the day it all goes back to the homeland and educating the parents as well, because if they tell their story to one family, then so will another.
“It’s a very slow process, but it will change in time.”

Jealous? Try this thought experiment

I WANT you to think of any pet you’ve ever had and how much you loved them.

Now, just imagine that someone approaches you one day, out of the blue, and offers you a swap. They explain that you can have any other dog, axolotl, mouse, goldfish or cat in exchange for your beloved pet. What would you say?
THE NO-BRAINER
I’m assuming that most of you would say, “Absolutely not.” Why? Because that’s your dog/axolotl/mouse/goldfish/cat! You can’t just replace it with another one, it doesn’t work like that! You’re attached to your pet no matter how old and decrepit they’ve become and how many limbs or faculties they have lost.
And that’s exactly my point. It doesn’t work like that. We get attached to our pets and by extension, our partners, children, and co-workers. They simply can’t be replaced.
So, the point of this column is to remember this story the next time you are feeling really jealous. Because, like a treasured pet, you can’t be replaced either.
Now, I need to point out that I’m not talking about being envious, which is, as Gretchen Rubin
explains
, actually a good way of working out what you want more of in your life. Envy is that feeling of, “Gosh, I wish I was that person”. No. Not that feeling. I’m talking totally over the top, sick to the stomach, rage-fuelled, crazy-making jealousy.
THE TRIANGLE
Being jealous comes from being part of a social triangle. You know: you, your boss and that annoying co-worker that your boss seems to favour; or you, your best friend and that new girl from the gym who is spending way too much time with your best friend. Or, your beloved and well … let’s face it, anyone or anything.
In more intimate personal relationships, the triangle can be completed by other humans, personal devices, certain sites on the internet, hobbies, work and to come back to where we started: pets!
THE MISUNDERSTANDING
When it feels like the other person or thing is getting in the way of your relationship, it feels rotten. To make things worse, most people are not really comforting when we are suffering from the very common tendency to be jealous. So, we don’t often get the reassurance we are craving.
If we ever finally admit that we are jealous of another person or thing, our friend, colleague or partner will often get frustrated with us and say they don’t understand. Why? Because we’re pretty much accusing them of being the kind of person that would swap their pet if the opportunity came up. We’re accidentally assuming the absolute worst of them and they can feel really offended.
Sadly, the more frustrated they get, the more we feel that our relationship with them is threatened and the more likely we are to feel that we’re about to be swapped. Then, we can end up being very unpleasant to be around: snarling, snapping and suspicious.
So. Think about it. You have developed relationships over time with your colleagues, your partner, your family members and your friends. Your relationship with them is unique. You will always have a relationship with that person that is yours alone.
The first thing to do if you feel that your relationship is threatened by someone or something else is to remember that when there is a connection or attachment between beings, it is not easy for people to let those connections go. Your friend may laugh with the new girl, but they can never replace the history that the two of you have built up.
THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER
Unfortunately, our wiring means that the anticipation of loss is much more stressful than the expectation of gain. Because jealousy is about that potential for loss, it is a truly horrible, disempowering feeling. It happens to us all and it’s up to all of us to manage it the best that we can.
Usually, you can count on your friends, colleagues or partner to stand by you no matter how old and decrepit you’ve become and how many limbs or faculties you have lost.
And hey, if any of them turn out to be the kind of person that would swap their pet, you certainly do not want them in your life. Go well, everyone!

Facebook, you can take your ‘Friends Day’ video and stick it

The post even says ‘we care about you and your memories’. Stop it, Facebook. You’re making me mist up.
While it’s a vaguely charming concept, often the memories that are being resurrected aren’t the warm fuzzy moment they were hoping for. Sometimes you’ll be met with a pic of an ex-partner (which is a stinging slap in the face if you’re not entirely ‘over it’ and you’re having a vulnerable moment). Perhaps they choose to remind you that your friend who died of breast cancer is no longer with you. Or maybe it’s simply a bittersweet reminder that a pal who was the centre of your world eight years ago is no longer in your orbit.
Yesterday Facebook celebrated their 12-year anniversary by ramping up the Friendship Fail Factor to a new level with the ‘Friends Day’ video — an auto generated collage of photos from over the years. So instead of a single picture you can enjoy a
An added buzzkill is that the montage gives you the opportunity to see how you’ve aged over the years. The only real upside we can see is that the video may have acted as a wake up call for people who post lots of selfies to Facebook — if your ‘friendship’ trip down memory lane consisted of an array of photos of you alone in a bathroom, it may be time to consider your life choices.
Users were quick to voice their dissatisfaction with the Friends Day video on Twitter.

Oh the terrible memories! Em Rusciano just got invited to her 20 year high school reunion

You’ve got this Rusciano, you can do it.
Hurt and humiliation went hand-in-hand with high school for me.
I was a hirsute, flat chested, short haired kook.
My peak low point was the school swimming carnival in Year 8. I’d put on my green Speedos in the locker room and to my horror noticed my armpit hair could no longer be tucked away and held in place with sweat and impulse merrily musk. It looked like I had two Guinea pigs nestling in either pit.
As I desperately tried to rip them out with my bear hands a girl named Kristy* walked into the change rooms and caught a glimpse of the situation under my arms.
Reeling back in horror she exclaimed: “OH MY GOD! THAT’S GROSS!”
She then backed out of the change rooms at an impressive pace and ran towards the pool. I didn’t know what to do.
I was mortified. Of all the people to see me it of course had to be her. Kristy had the kind of perky DD tits that made watching her do the backstroke a religious experience. She was the hottest girl in a three grade radius.
I knew she’d be gathering an army, as teenage girls are prone to do. As I stood alone and frightened in the dunnies, I imagined her describing the black forest within my person to every kid she came across. I knew she’d be rallying the troops against me, whipping them into a hateful frenzy.
Then, after 10 or so minutes, I had my answer. Over the loudspeaker I heard: “Could Em HAIRYano please report to the pool deck, your 50m freestyle event is about to start. Em HAIRYano”.
If spontaneously combusting from embarrassment were a thing, I would have.
I only keep in contact with two people from high school. One of them is my piano player and music director Jeremy (who was once picked up by the legs and run crotch first into a steel pylon) and the other is my best friend Michael, who also went through a similar kind of torture only he was a tubby, closeted, theatre nerd.
We were quite the pair — just look at us!
I’ve not seen my tormentors in 20 years. I’m well aware that most of them won’t remember how horrible they were to me. In fact, I know that’s the case as sometimes they contact me to say ‘hey’ and congratulate me on how well my life seems to be going.
I’m also aware that perhaps I have built it up to be far more than it actually was. At the time though, it was my entire world.
Obviously my first reaction to the invitation was a dream montage in which Michael and I re-enact
Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion
. We’re both much hotter now (which let’s be honest, isn’t a great accomplishment) and doing pretty well all things considered. I’ve a wonderful career, husband and kids. Michael has a critically acclaimed film, lost 20kg and written high rating TV shows.
So I decided that I would go, maybe I needed to face these people as adults, as equals, and put it all behind me: I’m 36 now, it’s probably time.
I’d even started workshopping outfits that looked effortlessly chic that hopefully said “hey I’ve aged well, look immaculate and I am now able to forgive you despite the relentless bullying you put me through”. But then late last night I actually checked the date and realised I couldn’t go! I would be on stage in Brisbane performing my stand-up show which ironically, some of, is about high school.
I realise that if high school was a happy time for you, if you were fortunate enough to be popular then this may seem like a dramatic over-reaction.
But if you were one of us, the marginalised, the teased, the not cool enough, then you will understand my pain. I also know that because of what happened to me in high school, I am the person I am today, all the good and bad parts.
I was certainly forced to develop a sense of humour as a coping mechanism. The burning desire to prove myself to those people has driven me mad and to success in equal measure.
To 13-year-old Em HAIRYano, you’ve got this babes. It all turns out OK — laser hair removal will become your best friend.

Mums have found Instagram. Run!

I know this because my parents now have a shared account. Yep ... Shared. This is the first sign of the apocalypse.
Not only do they have an account but they are completely obsessed with it.
Sitting around the table at lunch last weekend both of them were in their element snapping away, posting pics, refreshing the feed for likes. Hey parents! That’s OUR schtick!
On the odd occasion when they did have their heads up, it was to share a running commentary on who they follow and who follows them. What a thrilling conversation it was for everyone involved.
Some favourites from my mother’s mouth included:
“Bridget from work always likes my pictures!”
“Nathan! Stop being silly and smile properly! I want a photo of you and the good cutlery!”
“The one of me in front of my new kitchen tiles got 37 likes last week!”
“Nathan, why haven’t you followed me back?” I follow you!!”
We’ve seen this behaviour before. Facebook changed forever after mums got on board. For some reason most dads were never too keen on the old facey — but mums? My God. They got among it — and then ruined it.
It happened in two phases.
PHASE ONE: COMMENT BOMBING
It went down like this.
Your mate Trevor got smashed and pooed his pants on the weekend. The pic is uploaded to Facebook. Your crew lose their minds. So many likes, so many comments.
It’s all going off until Trevor’s mum, Gill, gets among it “TREVOR I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS!!” she would type.
Stumps is called. No more comments from anyone. It’s all over. Thanks, Gill.
PHASE TWO: MUM MEMES
After figuring out how to friend request every human that you have ever met in your life, mums have somehow learnt to share memes.
And share they do. Are they funny memes? No. They are what I call “Mum memes”
We all click accept to our friend’s mum’s friendship because it’s the polite thing to do. And as usual, manners ruin everything.
Facebook has changed. You don’t communicate much on there anymore. You log on and scroll through a feed to find the latest Jimmy Fallon clip. But first you have to jump into the sea of Mum Memes to get there.
Mums have now found Instagram. Go forth and warn the masses. The end is nigh. They’re multiplying.

THE USER

Friendship is a two-way street, but this mate is disobeying all traffic signals. An easy way to identify the ‘user’ is the ‘call and dump’ whereby they call, dump their problems on you, then hang up. There’s no conversation, no back and forth no ‘so how’ve you been anyway?’ Every interaction with this friend is working through their issues, how they feel about things, dissecting their news without a single question about where you’re at. This person uses your friendship, but only when required ie. getting you to accompany them to a work drinks so they don’t arrive alone then deserting you at the first sight of a recognisable face.

THE ‘ONLY WHEN I’M SINGLE FRIEND’

The one you become ‘joint at the hip’ with the moment you’re back on the market. You basically do everything together with this mate. Talk to each other about partying, get ready to party together, partying, getting food when you’re hungover after partying, planning the next time you’ll party ... OK, so maybe you have less in common than first thought. Actually you have nothing in common with this person. Nothing. Come to think of it, you hardly even actually know them because every time you’re together the music is so loud you don’t talk to each other (apart from asking each other ‘another drink?’) As soon as you find happiness with a new partner, they fall off the face of the earth and seem unhappy that you’re now happy. Every now and then you wonder what they’ve been up to lately … most likely partying?

THE FLAKER

This is the friend that posts on social media all week about ‘how excited’ they are to catch up. There may even be the odd ‘it’s been too long’ text in the lead up to the event and several tags in cheesy Instagram quotes about the true meaning of friendship with the hashtag #MissYou. Yet moments before, they cancel on you. In the worst way possible — via text with some long winded, nonsensical excuse that involves their hectic week of work, their sick dog and/or the family function they conveniently forgot about. A pattern emerges as their ‘I miss you’ texts start again ahead of the next catch up that they end up cancelling again anyway. The only reliable thing about this mate is how unreliable they are. But they’ll continue to post #ThrowbackThursday pictures of years ago when you actually physically saw them regardless

THE ‘I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER WHY WE’RE FRIENDS’ FRIEND

You know the ones, those people you’ve known since you were a kid, or were high-school besties with, but now the entire friendship is based on the past. We all grow into ourselves over time, which means things can get awkies when you realise you’re totally different people with absolutely nothing in common. You need to think carefully about why you’ve decided to surround yourself with people — do they make you laugh? Are they your rock? Or is it just because you’ve known each other for a long time? It’s time to ask yourself if that’s really reason enough.

THE ‘ONLY IF IT’S CONVENIENT FOR ME’ FRIEND

We’ve all had ‘em, probably without even realising it because this so-called friend is extremely talented in disguising their own needs as servicing you both, but don’t be fooled, they’re only thinking about one person in every situation … and it’s not you. This mate expects all elements of your relationship to work to their schedule. The place, date and time of all catchups must be suited to their needs. Plus any communication from their end, will only be at a moment in time that’s convenient for them ie. not when you actually need it! The moment a touch of effort needs to be exerted to keep the friendship flames alive, you’d better believe they’ll be ‘way too busy’ but ‘miss you’ all the same.

GOOD SPIRITS

All say they would have preferred to have a different birth date. But there are up sides, “It’s summer, people are in good spirits and it’s a real plus to have your family around you loving life. From that perspective, it’s great,” says Ms Holgate.
“I think it would be worse if it was a couple of days before or after Christmas,” says Ms Sokol, “It would be too close and you would have already have seen all your family already.”
Sharing his birthday with the festive season hasn’t dampened Mr Wilson’s spirits but it has led him to go cold on another celebration. “I love to celebrate Christmas, but now I’m not sure I like people making a big deal of their own birthdays.”
Meanwhile, Ms Holgate says some people have had some odd ideas about how Christmas babies should get round having their day dominated. “Some said I should celebrate my conception date and I was like, ‘hell no, my parents don’t have sex.’ I’d find celebrating that day a little bit strange.”
Besides, she said, the blame lies partly with her. “I think I was actually due in January so it’s all my fault anyway.”

CHRISTMAS PUD AND BIRTHDAY CAKE

There’s always the strategy of ensuring a little bit of Christmas Day is dedicated to you. Indeed, Mr Wilson became Christmas host himself, inviting around friends who, because they were far away from loved ones, weren’t able to be with their families on the day.
“I’d have an orphan’s Christmas for people who had nowhere else to go and we’d have a champagne to mark my birthday and then Christmas lunch sometimes with both a birthday cake and Christmas pudding.”
Ms Sokol, said that when she was younger she would often end Christmas Day surrounded by friends marking her birthday. “As we’d all spent the day doing our duty with our families and it was a good excuse for everyone to come over and celebrate.
“But as I’ve got older, I think we don’t really want to leave our families on Christmas Day anymore. So we’ll have dinner and then it will be my birthday celebrations and we’ll have a cake and a pinata.”
What about presents, do those born on Christmas Day get two? Generally yes, it seems.
“Presents wise I’ve never had issues,” says Chris Young from Orange in western NSW. “If anything my rellies find it more convenient to be able to shop for my birthday and Christmas in one go. I get the same amount of presents as anyone else, a birthday present and a Christmas present, but they just come on consecutive days.”
But well wishers can still slip up.
“My pet hate is when people give you a present in Christmas paper and go ‘Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday,’” says Ms Holgate. “It’s a bit poor form, I wouldn’t wrap their birthday presents in the Christmas wrap I found at the back of the cupboard.”

BIRTHDAY NUMBER TWO

Creating an alternative birthday day is a common solution. “I try to celebrate with friends maybe a week before and my mum used to give me the presents early so it would make it special,” said Mr Wilson.
Ms Sokol said that one year she organised a birthday six months early, “But that fizzed out after one year because it feels very strange getting a present in July.”
She hasn’t been tempted to do it again, “I would feel a bit embarrassed because the moment’s gone. I think it would be a bit self-indulgent.”
Even closer to the actual day is a struggle, she says. “ At Christmas no one wants to spend extra money so I’ve actually stopped doing things with friends because it’s just too hard basket.”

CHRISTMAS BABIES RARE

Christmas babies are relatively rare. According the US Centre for Disease Control and Prevention, August is the most popular month Americans give birth. Conversely, public holidays, such as Christmas Day, are some of the least popular days for babies to enter to world.
Nevertheless some famous names have their birthday on 25 December — there’s seminal scientist Sir Isaac Newtown, actor Humphrey Bogart and singer Annie Lennox. And what about Ariadna Gutiérrez, better known as Miss Colombia, who just last week had the annual heartbreak of losing her birthday to Christmas compounded by winning, and then instantly losing, Miss Universe?
“I think it stinks,” said Mr Wilson, “It’s not celebrated at all and most people, even good friends, forget it’s your birthday.”
 “I’ve definitely had less birthday celebrations because people are too focused on Christmas. They’re too busy and it’s a low priority for them.”
Tennille Holgate, an advertising account manager, was the first baby born in Wollongong in her year of birth. She even made it onto the front page of the local papers.
Yet, subsequent Christmas Days would come and go with barely a mention of its special relevance to her. “My birthday was never celebrated on my actual birthday. Instead my mum would try hard to do a another party in November so all my friends could attend. I knew it was a bit unusual.”
Ms Holgate still needs to be reminded the day is partly about her. “Now we do the whole Christmas thing and it comes to midmorning, when all the presents are over, and someone goes ‘oh, happy birthday’ and I’m like ‘oh yer, happy birthday to me.’”

How to survive Christmas when it’s also your birthday

WHO doesn’t love Christmas Day? There’s loads of free gifts, you are legally required to overindulge, and you have a free pass to fall asleep in front of the television.
But for a small group of people Christmas Day is a constant disappointment, never living up to its promise.
“I’m all a bit bah humbug,” says David Wilson, a post office manager from Cobargo in southern NSW.
“It’s just too hard basket,” says Bern Sokol, a radio producer from Sydney.
But these aren’t Christmas grinches who turn their noses up at good times with family and friends. Many love a mince pie and a glass of bubbly inappropriately early in the day.
No, these are the people who had this misfortune to their birthday on Christmas Day and have always played second fiddle to the little baby Jesus.

Why millennials are shunning their families to spend Christmas with friends

Parents with grown children will lead out with the presumptive “when you’re home at Christmas” rather than if, wistfully picturing all their progeny decorating a tree or gathered round the piano singing carols like they do in It’s A Wonderful Life.
Next it’s the guilt-tripping and blackmailing “please come, granny might only have a few Christmases left you know,” and “don’t forget who’s paying for your useless film degree”.
The truth is that many 20-somethings prefer to eschew the big traditional Christmas with their families, either because they don’t like them very much or because they can’t be bothered with an interstate trip home, and would rather spend the day with friends.
This Christmas, Melbourne cinema manager and Coffs Harbour escapee Harry Thompson plans to be living it up in his Fitzroy share-house by taking a long bath.
“Christmas exacerbates loneliness,” says Harry, “it makes people feel like outsiders, like they’re desperately alone. There’s all this pressure and it brings out the worst in people. The whole holiday is deplorable; everyone buys too many gifts and too much food. You can just picture this nice white family with a thousand presents stacked as far as the eye can see and nobody is actually happy. As soon as it finishes all the supermarkets are just full of all this rotting meat, all those animals that died for nothing.”
 “Really it’s not that I hate my family,” said Harry, “I just can’t afford to go home right now.”
Often preferring his own company at this time year, Harry told us “I hate Christmas so much that one time I packed my bag with a bottle of vodka and an avocado and went for a solitary eight hour bike ride.
“Then me and my mates drank martinis and danced to Beyonce in the loungeroom all night long. Hospo workers aren’t allowed proper time off work at Christmas, so we all band together and get wasted.”
When you move halfway across the world you can build a new family based on values instead of blood. If it happens you share a fondness for awesome tats, sunnies and vintage sportswear all the better.
Brit émigré Linzi Moroney, a hairdresser at Toni & Guy in Melbourne, won’t be making the trip back to ol’ Blighty this Christmas, preferring to stay in the sun and the spotlight.
“We’re getting a big group together on Christmas Day,” says Linzi, “we’ll all have dinner together and do a Secret Santa. Then we’ll drink lots of rum and hit the beach!”

Moroney.Source:Supplied

Meanwhile Linzi’s fiance Danny Greet, bass player of band Trouserforce will be rocking out with his new musical family, rehearsing for a post-Xmas show at Whole Lotta Love on December 28th.
And fear not carol singers, there is still some fleeting Christmas spirit in among the young and hip. Jetsetting ad exec Anna Martinen may spend Christmas in a different place each year, but always brings plenty of tinsel and cheer.
“I have many families,” says Anna, “last year I was with my adopted family, my best friend and her parents have basically adopted me. This year I’m staying with close friends, and your friends can be your family too. We’re going to combine Estonian Christmas traditions and have a two-day feast.”
Sometimes at Christmas one good friend is all you need, even for that negative-nancy Harry. “My best Christmas,” he says fondly, “I went out to a country house to stay with a friend, because she has this big conservatory with glass on every side. We ate a whole wheel of cheese and watched the BBC series of Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility. After a couple of days of that we’d forgotten all about Christmas and had started talking like Jane Austen.

Why Christmas really is the season for separation

WHILE most of us use the Christmas period to celebrate and surround ourselves with loved ones, the silly season is also the biggest time for marriages to go in to meltdown.
In today’s Marriage and Divorce statistics released by the ABS, the number of divorces have decreased by 1,140 in 2014, with a total of 46,498 applications granted in Australia. But, the amount of joint applications for divorce has continued to rise, with 19,281 divorces granted from joint applications.
Despite the overall divorce rates being lower than last year, the Australian Institute of Family Studies indicated that the figure among couples over the age of 50 was going up. This may be due to people getting married at a later age than in previous years, with men tying the knot at 31.5 years, and women walking down the aisle at 29.6.
So why are we seeing a trend of ‘silver splitters’ just in time for Christmas?
Slater & Gordon Divorce and Family lawyer, Heather McKinnon, said the silly season was the busiest time of year in terms of dealing with divorce, and agreed the ‘silver splitters’ were becoming more and more common.
“Silver wedding anniversary couples or empty nesters fall in to that more common bubble, because many people stick in their relationship until their children reach adulthood,” Mrs McKinnon told news.com.au
“Usually we see a number of people use their child’s exam period to get preliminary advice on applying for a divorce, and then once that time of the school year is over, the marriage will file for divorce in January or February.”
“The Christmas and holiday period is the most stressful time for families. It’s the time of year when you’re stuck together. During other times of the year, couples can ignore the dysfunction, because kids are at school and at least one of the parents are at work,” she said.
For 23-year-old Sally and her younger brother Andy, their parents tried everything to stay together until they were both out of school before filing for divorce.
“My brother was halfway through his HSC and I was a year out of school,” Sally told news.com.au
“My dad would always tell us that the only reason he was still with mum was because we were both still living at home and because it would make school stressful [for Andy].
“He would always say that as soon as we finished school, he’d be outta there.”
But for Sally, the tension and hostility within the household was evident.
“We definitely knew there was something wrong even before they separated,” she said.
“I wish they had separated years earlier, because it was so much harder having to deal with the constant arguing and nastiness about each other.
“I think by the time they did separate, my brother and I were relieved, but then the year following the separation was one of the toughest years of my life.
“It was super tough for my brother though, it really did effect his HSC but it was more the way that they went about the whole thing. I think there was so much built up hate that when my dad did decide to leave it just all blew up.
“They definitely handled the worst way and took it all out on us”.
Common in China, it was revealed in an annual ‘divorce peak’ study that marriages were breaking down in June — September, which are the months immediately following China’s National College Entrance exam, known as the Gaokao.
In an interview with the China Daily, marriage lawyer Zhou Hao said since the end of the 2015 Gaokao, Zhou had received about 30 requests for divorce assistance, with more than 20 involving mothers whose children took part in this year’s college entrance exam.
Clinical Psychologist Elisabeth Shaw told the Australian Financial Review many couples waited until their late 40s and 50s because that’s when their children usually finished school, and they were more grown up and able to deal with the change.
“Commonly that’s when the children are in their mid-teens or outside of school, so people feel freer to make those decisions.”
Couples therapist and psychologist Dr Debra Campbell acknowledged the latter part of the year often called for more stressful situations, because holiday periods resulted in troubled couples spending more time together, without much room to escape.
“We see who our partners really are, and that reality hits hard, especially if the relationship isn’t going well,” Dr Campbell told news.com.au
“It’s common to hear ‘I’ve been waiting until school or exams to end’ to end the marriage. It’s a reality for many parents that they’re hanging in there in a pretty unhappy relationship for their sons and daughters to finish their education or another year of their education, to keep the home, finances and routines stable for the kids for as long as possible.
“As soon as the focus of the kids is removed, they have to face reality of life together, and that’s a big time of revaluation.
Many parents try and ‘stick out’ their marriage until their kids are older and able to deal with the change. But according to Dr Campbell, this mindset isn’t necessarily beneficial to the child.
“Kids can tell, it provides a model to them and it might not be a model that’s helpful to them,” she said.
In 2014, divorces involving children represented 47 per cent of all applications granted compared with 47.4 per cent in 2013.

‘Everything went white, I thought I was dead’: Why Isabella stayed in a violent marriage, and why she left

ISABELLA had been out with friends for dinner when her husband greeted her at the back door by knocking her out.
She came to on the bed with him slapping her to wake her up, cradling their son Ethan* in his arms. “I was holding my head, there was blood on the doona, I felt so dizzy,” she said. “I was worried about Ethan not having a mother.
“I said, ‘I need help’. He said, ‘Get over it’. The next thing you know, he punched me in the right eye. Everything went white. I thought I was dead.
“He said, ‘I know I’m going to get done for this, so I’m going to finish you off in the pool.’”
It was far from the first time Ben had hit Isabella. He had kicked her to the ground in public, threatened to rape her and tried to knee her in the stomach when she was pregnant. But this was the time she decided to leave.
Some question why victims of domestic violence stay with their abusers, even blaming them for their own suffering. Isabella wants people to understand how hard it can be to break free, and what finally gave her the strength to do it — her son.
The physical and verbal abuse started when the couple met in September 2012, says the 43-year-old. She had already been in a relationship “with a bit of violence” so “it didn’t really faze me, I didn’t think it was a big deal,” she told news.com.au.
Daughter of a Polish immigrant mother and abusive, alcoholic father who left when she was two, Isabella had just been made redundant from her job in microbiology and was working in a factory. Ben was single-minded in his pursuit of her.
“The relationship was quite fast, I thought he was great,” said Isabella, from Newcastle, NSW, who appears in the first episode of domestic violence series Hitting Home tonight on ABC. “We would go out every weekend, but I found he was quite a jealous person. He wanted to know where I was going, who I was talking to on the phone. I was flattered.”
Three months into their relationship, the couple moved in together. The abuse was subtle at first, easy to shrug off. Ben’s mother pointed out that he was controlling what his partner wore, telling her to dress in shorts instead of the skirts she usually favoured. Another time, he poured beer over Isabella at a festival because he thought she was looking at other men.
“He would take my phone and keys. He was controlling who I was seeing and what I was eating because he was obsessed with appearance, and me being fat.”
As Ben became increasingly physical, Isabella began keeping a calendar of what he did to her. She reads an entry from March 17 2013: The couple were walking home when Isabella mentioned an ex-boyfriend. Ben kicked her in the leg and dragged her to the ground as he tried to pull her phone from her. They were near a community hall and several people who were at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting came out to help. They warned her to leave, but Ben swore he would change. Isabella wanted to believe him.
The episodes became more terrifying. On one occasion, Ben barricaded her in the bedroom, running outside naked to drag her back in when she tried to get away. “I was scared and powerless,” she says. “He wouldn’t let me sleep. He would put the lights on, splash water on me and say ‘listen to me!’ He would sit on my chest, hold down my arms with his knees and spit on me. If I refused sex, he’d say, ‘I’m going to rape you.’ The next day he’d say, ‘I was only joking.’”
One night he punched Isabella so hard he broke her rib. The doctor was suspicious, but she brushed off his concerns. In May 2013, she found out she was pregnant.
“The physical abuse stopped but the emotional abuse continued,” she said. “I went out for lunch with a girlfriend and he chased me round the bed, so I dialled her number so she could hear. He tried to knee me in the stomach when I was in the shower at one point.
“I was very depressed. I was thinking about aborting, but it was way too late.”
In August 2013, they got married. Just before the wedding, the scared wife-to-be texted his mother to see if she was doing the right thing. “Am I the only one?” she asked. Ben’s mother said yes. “It made me feel terrible,” said Isabella. “I was thinking it was all my fault.”
Later, when she found out about the other women he had abused, she asked her mother-in-law why she had lied. It was because Ben left her alone when he was with Isabella.
 “He was very manipulative. If someone was around, he wouldn’t hurt me and if I threatened him with court, he’d say, ‘They’ll see you as an idiot.’ My self-esteem and confidence were at a low.
“I was embarrassed that I’d got into a relationship like this, and I wanted to make it work.
“He said he would change after the pregnancy and spend time with his son. He didn’t.”
Isabella went to the police several times. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” she said. “But I didn’t end up going to court, so it got thrown out. I didn’t have confidence they’d believe me.”
The couple moved for a fresh start. During viewings of their old home, Ben was at the pub and Isabella begged him to come home to help as she juggled her newborn and the viewers. Her husband told her to “stop acting like a c**t”. He took her over the park, grabbed her hand and threw her to the ground.
“There were parents everywhere watching soccer and no one came to help. Ethan* was in the pram screaming. [Ben] ripped my bra off. It was humiliating, I shook uncontrollably.”
The new house spelled the beginning of the end: it wasn’t on a busy road and didn’t have soundproofing like the last. When neighbours heard Isabella screaming and her son crying, they called the police, but even when Ben was arrested, he came back saying he had been let off with a slap on the wrist.
When Isabella mentioned their lack of money, his drinking and his endless sick days, he would get angry, once grabbing her head and pushing it through the wall. “I was worried people would see it but it didn’t faze me much, I was used to it by then,” she said.
 “I hoped things would get better, I was always trying to figure out what made him happy. I believed the promises he made, I tried to believe because I did love him. I became desensitised to the abuse, I didn’t think it was that bad, but with counselling I can understand. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself, people would think I was an idiot for staying.”
It was the final attack that made her realise she had to leave, for her son’s sake if not her own. Her sister told Isabella she didn’t want her next visit to Newcastle to be for her younger sibling’s funeral.
Ben was convicted of assault and multiple counts of contravening his AVO (apprehended violence order) as he repeatedly tried to get to his wife and son. He was sentenced to 40 months in jail, and is due for release in September 2017.
Isabella now has security cameras installed at her house from a government organisation called Staying Home, Leaving Violence to record if her husband comes back. She refuses to take her son to see Ben in prison. “I know the last vision he saw of his father was when he raised his fist at me and grabbed my hair. He’s seen it all and he’s not even two, but I know he knows what’s going on. Seeing that terror in his eyes ...
“When Ben was arrested, it took a long time for Ethan to let go of me, he was so clingy. He’s so confident and happy now, he’s a different person. When I’m tired he comes up to me and says ‘Mummy, I love you.’”

Desperate man writes hilarious letter to paper after wife goes to hospital

THERE’S nothing more infuriating than not being able to find a clean tea towel.
But this man took his predicament to extremes when he hilariously wrote to a national newspaper complaining he couldn’t find his.
Brian Noble, from Ferntree Gully in Victoria, panicked after his partner of 40 years went to hospital “to have her feet done”, and ended up writing a desperate letter to The Age asking for help.
The brilliant letter was spotted on Twitter and has now been shared hundreds of times.
It starts, “This letter is more of a confession than anything.
“My partner of 40 years unselfishly decided to get her feet done and she’s been in hospital for the past three days.
“She’s doing really well but I still don’t know where the tea towels are.
“God knows, I’ve looked for the tea towels all over the place but I just can’t find them.”
Twitter users responded with hilarity and disdain — and the man’s quest has now gone viral.

China’s vanishing mail-order brides: The imported wives who won’t stick around

CHINA’S singles have it tough, battling a deep wealth divide and gender imbalance that makes it harder than ever to find true love.
With desperate young men advertising themselves on billboards and hiring professional matchmakers to find the right person, one tactic has proved unsurprisingly popular: mail-order brides.
But the dream weddings have turned into nightmares, with beautiful overseas spouses disappearing in hordes.
Vietnamese brides have been pouring into rural villages with a surplus of men over the past decade, and bachelors will pay as much as $25,000 to secure a match. Last November, the unthinkable happened: up to 100 wives from Hebei province vanished all at once.
With them went the matchmaker who had collected the cash, and provided a money-back guarantee. Bloomberg called it a “peculiarly Chinese instance of fraud”.
A year on, the jilted husbands are shaking their heads in confusion and despair. Li Guichen, a forty-something from the deprived village of Feixiang, cannot remember what his wife was called. She was gone after six days.
“I’m not sure what her name was, I didn’t even get to know her before she left,” he told the Financial Times. He didn’t seem to know much about her at all. “She was like a normal woman,” he offered, explaining that he had married her because she was more affordable than a local girl.
Chinese women now typically work in cities and enjoy a comfortable lifestyle with daily baths and all the amenities of urban areas — something men who live in rural areas simply can’t offer. These young women are unlikely to leave urban areas for a lower quality of life, even if that means staying single.
Li Yongshuai, also from Feixiang, kept the hair tie and cosmetics his wife Afang left behind, in what seems like the romantic gesture of a rejected lover. He keeps a photo of her, after scraping off the nail varnish she painted over her face before she left.
But he can’t give her last name, saying he never saw an ID card or passport.
His father Xinjiang is even more clueless about Afang’s identity. “We called her ‘Hey, come eat,’” he said.
Li met Afang at matchmaker Wu Meiyu’s beauty salon. Wu had reportedly arrived 20 years earlier from Vietnam as a mail-order bride, and specialised in finding affordable women for men, who could meet them at her “palace of romance”.
The wives came with no papers and often no Chinese.
Afang did not take well to life with Li’s family in rural China. She was expected to reproduce, and in return, was looked after. The first words she learnt were, “Mama, Papa, I’m out of money,” according to her ex-husband.
She made the family buy rice, which no one in northern China eats. She argued with Li, and he claims she appeared “happy” when he hurt his leg because she “thought she would get away for a few days.”
Many brides report not being allowed to visit their families in Vietnam, because their Chinese in-laws believe they would never come back.
After Afang vanished, the family found a Vietnamese-Chinese phrase book that gave some clues to what she was thinking. She had written out on a blank page: “That’s because you don’t allow me to go out”, “You smell!” and “You need a bath.”
Still, these Chinese husbands were determined to make their relationships work. But it was about to fall apart. Wu began going for long journeys with groups of girls, saying she was collecting ID cards to register them. She had promised that if they left their husbands before five years, the men would get new brides for free.
On November 21, 2014, the Vietnamese wives of Feixiang village said they were going to a party and disappeared en masse.
The grooms began calling each other trying to find the missing women, but their phones had gone dead. Some had left children behind, some had been with their husbands for years. The men had been victims of a massive con.
Police launched a special taskforce to investigate 28 reports of bride fraud in Hebei province (locals say the number was closer to 100, but many husbands didn’t want to make statements). In December 2014, detectives said they had made three arrests, although none was Wu. The case is said to be ongoing.
It isn’t unique. In March, police in Suiyuan discovered a Vietnamese bride fraud gang and arrested 11 people. In 2013, eight Vietnamese brides disappeared in Shandong province, and in 2012, eight vanished in Jiangxi.
This is unlikely to be the end of this kind of unhappiness and heartache. Men are expected to outnumber women by more than 33 million in China over the next five years, according to the country’s National Bureau of Statistics. These surplus bachelors are known as guanggun, or “bare branches”. Women who fail to marry before 30, meanwhile, are known as “leftover women”.
In rural China, where sons were so important for farming while the one-child policy was in effect, the problem is now especially pronounced. The booming country has gone from exporting Chinese brides to Taiwan and Japan to importing them from poorer Asian nations.

MAKE ROOM FOR THE GRAIN OF SADNESS THAT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE

When I finally stopped running from the pain of my separated Christmas, things began to look up. My new partner, my daughter and I sat around and read the owl and mole Christmas story, opened our stockings and miraculously liked our gifts. We ate too many cookies and went for a walk. At some point in the day, we each had a small cry about what and who we missed, and we comforted each other. And in the evening some of the people we loved came over, and we played music, ate Pavlova and pudding and sat in the garden. There were twinkly lights and some singing, and no one pretended our family was perfect. All in all it was a good day.
Spending your newly fractured Christmas trying not to be sad, wishing it would all just go away or struggling to make things feel normal is like holding your breath and hoping to stay alive. It just won’t work. You can’t escape the pain of breaking up or the work of rebuilding your life, you just have to endure it. That’s the truth about loss.
You don’t get over it; you just have to set a place for it at the table. And even when you’ve got enough courage to build something new, you don’t ever get back what you lost. But what you do get is another opportunity to make your own life. Don’t let it pass you by.